Desire to be pregnant

I haven’t been on here for a while because of work. My back sore from sweeping soil and my feet are forming blisters. Last night, I had a dream that I had two sons. Hopefully this is a prophecy, but highly not. I will never get my ducks in a row. Besides, I know people have hinted that I shouldn’t have kids. I can tell if I brought them into this world, people will be ready to tear them apart. I know they want me gone, they’re too much of a ***** to admit it.

I sometimes get baby fever. It can also get bad when I’m on my period. I talk about these feelings to other women, and they either don’t have them, or don’t know what I’m talking about. I fantasize about being pregnant. What does it feel like to be pregnant? Would I be sitting on the couch eating gallons of ice cream? Have a heighten sense of smell? Hugging those big pillows?

If I did get pregnant, I wouldn’t let anyone expect my family know. At work, I could put on more T-shirts, or tell people that I don’t know why I’m putting on weight? Act like it’s no big deal. Then at home, I can read or talk to my kid, while he’s in the womb. I’ll be sure to take my parental vitamins, stay away from all junk food like no more soda for me, and keep my stress levels low. Also do those pregnant exercises.

For some strange reason, I can only see myself being prone to giving birth to boys. I think that I would do better with girls, but I can’t picture it. It’s as if giving birth to a girl feels strange like this child can’t be mine. I would still love her, don’t get me wrong.

I wonder what my sons would be like? What they’ll look like? What their personalities would be like? How would they handle the fact that their births are a little different from those traditional births? Deal with the fact that they’ll never have a father? Also, I was planning to change Father’s Day into Children’s Day, since it’s going to be a useless holiday until the kids grow up and want to change back for themselves. On Children’s Day, I buy the kids a single toy, nothing to expense since it’s not Christmas, and then we all go out to eat. It’ll be our family tradition. I’ll read my books on how to raise sons without fathers, so they don’t grow up into criminals. If I have a daughter, make sure she doesn’t get sexually active. I’ll try to find male role models for my boys. At school, I can request a male teacher for them for example.

I worry about my boys becoming outcasts like me, but I can give some tips that I’ve learned. Tell them that they don’t owe the world anything. I could teach them to be little MGTOWs. How would they feel about a woman being the head of the household? How does a woman discipline her boys? When I do pick a donor, I’ll make sure that it’s one that agrees to meet the kids when they turn 18. Won’t be surprise if my kids have any half-siblings.
Fun fact: Most choice moms never get married, but they still feel happy about raising a family on their own.

I just need to find a way to have an income of 40,000 dollars to rise my dream family. Be open minded about this, but overall don’t worry I doubt this will happen. I know the whole wide world doesn’t want me to have kids, let alone exist.