Home Chronic Pain january 27 – 11:47PM
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I always give too much

To a friend or to a lover and i cant seem to understand why my giving is never equal to what i receive and i have never felt the kind of happiness i see in their eyes on mine when i am being returned the favor

They seem happier than me and believe me that lights me up completely but i dont know if ive ever heard a thank you or a slight gratitude and that saddens me so that my heart fills with ocean waves like being trapped in a bottle longing the shore, can you imagine how painful that is to be away from home and giving away parts of me felt like that

It felt like giving away home and for me to come back home they needed to give equal parts of themselves to me too

I cannot count the times on my fingers of when i have given myself away carelessly or freely, but i can count the times they have given themselves to me. It is that few amount that makes me feel half-empty but not quite on my way home

-friday, saved notes

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bullfrog 5/18/2017 - 8:40 am

Do the thanks mean that much? How often do you thank someone for meaning something to you? Surely just spending the time is thanks enough, both ways?

It’s easy to focus on what you want people to do for you, it’s harder to see what they already do for you.

It sucks to be under appreciated, it’s a shame to not realise how people appreciate you.

suicidalkitty 5/18/2017 - 11:26 am

well for someone like me to not receive at least an ounce or equal amount of gratitude, yes they mean that much to me, unfortunately. It gives me hope that i’m not that worthless and that i mean at least something to them in any way.
it may seem as though i’m too blinded by my self-loathing and deep depression to realize that maybe some people appreciate me, but i think i would’ve noticed.

SweetQuietus 5/18/2017 - 6:27 pm

Sometimes giver attract takers.
Sometimes the more we give, the more is expected.
Try to give without the expectation of receiving. Try to give without it defining your worth or the worth of the other person. Try to give because you want to give, not for a value-to-value relationship. Try to give to yourself, as well.
Don’t let other people determine your self worth, ever.
Hope you heal from your hurt.

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