Lost of Interest in Video games, and Missing Childhood

I don’t seem to care about video games that much anymore. I have these video games that I brought, but now I have no interest in playing them. Fun hack to afford video games: wait until the gaming console is a gen old, then buy it. It should be at least 150 dollars, and then buy all the games you wanted to play on it. They should like 10 to 30 dollars mostly in the 10s. You can it though Amazon or Ebay. I have reason on why I’m starting to grow apart from the gaming community. One reason is that I’m near-sighted, don’t how glasses, so I can’t see the TV really far, so technically I can barely see the video game. Have a lack of money to buy video games. Get bitched at when I buy video games. Have guys tell me that I suck at video games, since I’m sensitive, can’t play video games without their voices echoing in my head. Speaking of which, I’m feel isolated from the gaming community. Since it’s mostly men, the result is the same, sexual harassment when hanging out to play video games with them. Decided not to join a gamer’s club at community college because I had an awful experience with the gamers. Guess I’m too depress to do anything. Now, I just lay in bed and watch either cartoons or youtube videos on the laptop.

Videogames made me think about my childhood.

As a girl, my dream was never be a house wife, or some feminine job. I wanted to be a videogame designer. I read books about how video games worked, and made sure that did well in my computer classes. I remember drawing a picture in elementary school of a stick figure drawing of me in some factory putting game carriages together. Ok, I didn’t understand how video games were exactly made.

I remember playing Mario Kart 64 against of my brother’s friends. He said that he was a master at Mario Kart, and his best character that selected was Yoshi. Yes, I lost a good amount of tries, and remember switching characters, but this one time I beat him. Guess what he did as my character was to finish the last lap, he paused the game and exited it. I can’t remember what character I used, but I keep thinking that it was Princess Peach. My favorite character to used was Browser, but I couldn’t use him to win because he was second slowest character in the game.

Man, did I love Link! I still have his action figure. I remember playing with him riding on another horse figurine.

Playing video games with guys, sometimes I won, sometimes he won. Never made into a battle of the sexes, just wanted to play videogames with someone.

I was 13, playing Soul Calibur two on the arcade. My use to be friends were ice skating, and I was by myself playing on the arcade machines, until this boy challenged me to Soul Calibur. I think that I selected Yoshimitsu alot, since Link wasn’t on the arcade version. BTW, my dream team on Soul Calibur two was Link, Yoshimitsu, and Talim. You would see me select these characters alot. Anyway, I beated this boy a couple of times, until he selected his character, which was Maxi, and that was when I started to lose. I guess it was a few more rounds, then he stopped. Maybe I was running low on money.

Then I played against other guys at Community college, not the one with Gamer’s Club. I played Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. The guy played as Sonic, and I was Shadow because Shadow is my favorite Sonic character. We had a race on the City Escape level. My college mates were rooting for him, but I won. He even used that chaos control trick, and I still won.

Yes, I have played video games with other girls, but most of the time they never knew what they doing, and get frustrated with them, but didn’t show it. I think this one time I played Mario Kart with this girl, and I kept winning, and notice that she was getting sad, so I deiced to lose on purpose. I would purposely drive my character off an edge, so she could win a few times.

Writing this post made me almost want to cry, and laugh at the same time. As kids, we could hang-out as actual people. I feel like a human being when I was a kid, not this sex object as I do today. I wish I had a friend just to watch cartoons that we grew up watching while eating chocolate cookies and drink chocolate milk, and talk about why we liked these shows. Today its gender roles, like the rules has changed, and I’m still behind. I hate how naive, and I know today that men will offer or promise a friendship to me because they know how much I want one, but they aren’t real friends, just looking for easy prey. I”m that pathetic. Deep down, this child still haven’t gone away. Still wish I wasn’t born.
Here’s a poem I wrote a while back about my childhood:

An Ode to Childhood

A time when,
rumors of the Y2K spread,
Bill Clinton was president,
and the economy was good.

My world consisted of
a red plumber, who was a king,
a yellow mouse, with rosy cheeks,
and a boy, in a green tunic, who was my best friend.

A time when,
my older brother and I, watched Dragonball Z,
only to throw fake punches, and wrestle afterwards,
I was Trunks, and he was Goku.
Sometimes, we were gundams twirling in the empty sky,
Protecting the space colonies, and saving the earth,
right inside our parents’ house.

A lot of young neighbors, along with, my brother and I, together,
we all yelled, “I scream for ice cream!”
over and over again, while our fists bobbed, up and down in the air,
until a white truck arrived, playing “La Cucaracha,”and I received,
my treat, worth two quarters of soft icy snow.

Days, when my mom drove me and my brother to Blockbuster,
mostly to rent Nintendo 64 games and Pokémon videos.
One day, I saw a miniature figure of my green tunic friend, trapped behind the plastic,
I showed the box to my mom, and she paid money in order for me, to free my tiny friend.

The cartoon characters have disappeared, only their ghosts remain.
Today, a nagging that never goes away, like a urine stain on a rug.
A recession, and a government shutdown destroying the economy,
leaving me, to wonder, if I will survive.