So, it’s been awhile since I’ve been online. A year maybe more. Can’t quite remember. See… I’m not allowed to use social media of any sort. I’m not allowed the internet[period]. Only reason I’m online now is because I got a random free month on my phone before they disconnect my line for good. I’m not allowed my phone anymore as well. I went 3 months without a phone before the other day.
I’m not allowed friends nor am I allowed to speak to my family.
I’m not allowed to go outside the house unless I’m accompanied by one of his relatives.
I’m 37 years old. He’s 23. We’ve been married 2 years as of June 16th of this year. We have 1 son together who is a tad over a year old. I have 7 children altogether. The oldest being 18 but my others I do not see thanks to him. He doesn’t see it that way tho… He says I’m a bad mother, that’s why. No no no. The reason is him. Could I change that? You may ask. I could’ve up until last year but it’s too late now. Why did I let such a thing happen? I was pregnant and I was afraid. I don’t have family or friends where I’m at nor are they anywhere close nor do they care not even about my children did they care.
Well, his abuse has gotten physical the last year. He’s nearly killed me. Hell, the last time, I begged him to slit my throat and he almost did before he bashed my face in.
Now… You see… I’ve been through this before. 11 years of abuse in my last relationship. Old habits cycle over and over. I can change that any point but do I? No. Why? Idk. I have been suicidal for over 15 years of my life. I’ve been hospitalized a dozen times. But here I sit in this bottomless pit of shit.
I’ve been run over by a car… Broken ribs, my eye ripped open and my orbital crushed, nose misplaced and lip ripped apart. I’ve suffered many concussions due to domestic violence and because of my accident. I tend to forget words, stutter, forget important things and ramble on along with other things. I have what they call a severe TBI. I also have PTSD and other issues not only from the DV and accident but from sexual abuse as a child.
So, before anyone says anything about the way I act strange… Childish at times… being childish is how I cope.
Much luv to all.
8 comments
Much love to you too. Do you think your life will improve?
Thank you. 🙂 it will only improve if I can talk my way into a job and get out and that I plan on doing somehow.
I’m so sorry to hear all this. I hope the guy you’re with gets locked up and beaten in prison for what he’s done and what he’s doing to you. You should try whatever you can to contact the police. I wish I could offer you more advice on what to do in this kind of situation, but I simply don’t have any experience in this area. The best thing I can tell you is that this guy seems like a complete piece of shit, and you should do whatever you can to either contact the authorities and get this guy arrested, or just get away from him altogether. Anywhere is better than being with this guy.
*hugs* he’s gonna get what he deserves in due time. The last guy did. He will too.
And I’ve learned this time! Oh I learned!
I hope that fucker dies.
Do you think you could leave for your kid? If you don’t, he will become exactly like his bastard of a father.
We’re legally separated. I got kicked out before Christmas and served divorce and custody papers on Valentine’s Day. But I came back when we had a hearing over custody which he got full custody because he lawyered up and lied. I couldn’t afford one. it’s such a fucked up long story. He’s around so I can’t go into it much but he got me back for now… Treating me like a child. I’m 13 years older!! I hope he chokes on his drugs and dies everyday over again for eternity. Ha!
Difficult situation. Yes, choking on drugs for the forever would serve this piece of shit right. ‘Bad mother’ my ass. Fucked in a head father, I’d say. And poor kid.
I’m trying to get us both out but money talks in this town and if you don’t have it, you’re screwed. If I had had the money for a lawyer, it would’ve been different. The only reason I came back was my son. To protect my son from that monster. I could collect evidence of his abuse of drugs, of me and of the other stupid shit he does but it don’t matter because I have nothing to my name. He has taken everything from me. He’s the reason I want to end my life but I won’t unless he kills me or he gets my rights taken somehow.