xx

Yesterday was my birthday, things weren’t looking up so I took about 20 of the only over the counter sleeping pill my parent’s had (they don’t take much) and I swallowed them down with a soda. I though it would be a peaceful, surreal, almost lovely experience, but as I sat outside on the hammock I started to feel dazed and tired, my body just kind of bobbed around for a few minutes, I thought I could just lay down and drift, but the feeling only intensified, and though its what I wanted, naturally my body responded negatively to the effects of the pills, and I stood up, I couldn’t feel anything throughout my whole body, I kept telling myself in my head that I’d be fine, but I went inside and could barely walk or move it was like being extremely high whilst having a panic attack (or something like that I don’t do many drugs) I got so scared for some reason and decided that I didn’t want to die like this, I told my parents I took some pills, saying I took half as many as I actually did, out of fear of their wrath, they’re not very supportive, I wobbled around for a little while trying to gain some balance but seemed to fail worse each time I stood up, I tried to make myself throw up but nothing came out I just had a bad stomach ache, my mouth was and is super dry, and hours and hours later my skin feels numb and tingly, my parents didn’t take me in but they screamed at me more than they probably ever have, I know others have been through a lot worse, but this was the first time I’d ever tried to kill myself, and it’s nothing like I’d imagined. I’ll try again maybe in a couple weeks, but to anyone who made it through this ridiculously long post, please get help if you really feel like you want to die, save yourselves, love <3