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First time in a long time

by alina_01

I wanted to cut, I actually considered it. I’m suppose to be continuing to get better and instead I am just falling back into this depressed state. I feel like a complete failure and the one person I want to talk to this about I just can’t. I feel like he will finally see me for the failure that I am and I’m not ready for that. I cry a lot and honestly death is so much more welcoming now and thats such an awful thing. I worked so hard to better myself just to end up right back here again.


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Shephard 7/3/2017 - 5:27 am

Ms. .40 Smith & Wesson… Fancy seeing you ’round here again. Yeah, I get what you mean about falling back into this funk. I must say, I felt myself heading that way not two months ago. Almost thought I should embrace it, even… But no. I’ve set myself an objective – with realistic expectations pertaining the outcome of meeting said objective – and it’s enough to keep me occupied for the time being.

…but that funk of depression is always there at the bottom; beckoning me unto it’s embrace.

All I can say is: Outstanding. Good on you for working so hard and putting real effort into bettering yourself. But what now? You push even harder, and know that you’ve already come far enough as it is.

Those ragged, rough bastards in our special forces here have a passage which they live by, and I’ll quote one specific one:

“We shall go always a little further”

…and so must we, Alina.

This sensation will grab at you, in a short time, or even a long time as it is with you now. But lucky for us, we have nothing but time; and that bastard depression will just have to reschedule.

Look after yourself in the meantime, and keep kickin’ ass while you’re at it. And… It’s good to see you’re still around after these past three years

trying44 7/3/2017 - 5:42 am

Hey I wonder how many people on here..including you alinia have sought out a doctors care…a psychologist to talk with and/or a physician to help with medications? So many on here come back again and again. WHy? have all the stones been turned yet..or do we just keep doing the same thing expecting something different to happen? How many of us are in a depressed state because we have not turned over every stone… how many are here because we refuse to deal with the Truth and chose rather to keep chasing escapes? im not trying to trivalize anyones feelings…just thinking out loud, Where are those that have looked death and depression in the face..and smacked them both with therapy, medication OR whatever it took to get them the hell away? And how does on function at work with true depression? usually it causes dysfunction. Again im just thinking out loud…

FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 7/3/2017 - 8:40 am

heyyy Alina 🙂

I remember your previous post
I wrote you how I was so so happy for you… 🙂

it’s okay love <3

you fought hard & stood up & walked ahead
that was very brave of you
& it's okay if you fall again every now & then…
it's alright

just like before,
you take your time
take a deep breath,
slowly stand up again
& again walk forward

I'd love to be there for you & to help any way I can
& my offer still stands

& if you wish not to talk here
my email is

please know that you're most most welcome to contact me any time


big hug to you & lots of love
<3 <3 <3

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