I’ve always been desperate for someone to love me. Once in my life I just want anybody to choose me, to actually want to be around me. Just once. What kind of person am I that this is so impossible? Am I not funny enough or pretty enough? Maybe I’m just that miserable to be around. I know it’s a selfish and childish want, but literally all my life no one has ever put me first. My family made a point of letting me know they loved my sister or brother more than me. They still loved me but they loved them just a little more. All my friends, not that I had many, preferred them over me. Or if not, then we just weren’t very close. At this point in my life, I recognize that it’s silly to think anyone would care about me enough, but I still want it. I’m so tired of doing so much for someone and for them to not even care about me.
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Hey, um , consider this. If you were really that desperate, do you think maybe you would have perceived things that way? If one were really desperate, they would likely grasp at any tiny bit of love as evidence that they were the one loved most. Does this make any sense? Believe me, im not trying to be a smartass, or make light of your plight. In fact, I have at times shared your sentiment as my own plight. I have never been satisfied with my partners love in the end. I have had a number of what should have been for the rest of my life spouses, and after a while , always felt the love I received was not what I craved or even equal to what I was giving out. I always thought , no, this person is not making the ultimate connection with me . This person is not on the same level with me. Or, this person is not interested in persueing the same kind of love I seek to share. Ultimately , it caused me to lose hope in this ideal, and has made me question my validity and even my sanity.