I almost gave in last night, but instead of taking the razor blade to my wrists; I took it to my thighs. I thought I was past harming myself. I thought I had finally gotten strong enough to physically appear, fine. But the past week as been horrendous, I’m more stressed than I’ve ever been.. along with the most depressed I’ve ever been. I haven’t left my house in 4 days. Not since I got fired. I barely have enough motivation to get out of bed to go to the restroom. I can’t get myself to eat anything, just the sight of food makes me nauseous. I’ve cut off contact with the few people I’d talk to daily. I don’t know how well I’ll be able to talk myself out of killing myself next time…. my end is near.
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4 comments
Losing a job is terrible. This world is built on the motivation to make money, but there isn’t a plan in place for the people who go from making money and being stable to losing it all and becoming depressed. When you lose a job you lose security, confidence, respect, money, motivation and worst of all you lose your “friends”. It doesn’t make you want to go back out there and get another one, because when you lose that one it will be the same cycle of emotions and set backs all over again. Fuck how this world works. I am very sorry that you are going through this. I could offer you words of advice but I am far too nihilistic to tell you everything will get better. Because it doesn’t get better, never has never will.
I know it doesn’t get better, and never will. I’ve been depressed for a majority of my life. Thanks though
So very true, as someone struggling I can say the biggest thing is that you lose respect from everyone. People look down on you like a child who can’t take care of himself. They treat you like a failure or like someone to stupid to be an adult, then you lose your confidence and motivation which causes you not to want to keep trying.
That’s really hard my friend, and please know you’re not alone. Would it help if I gave you my email and you could just vent to an anonymous person?