Any survivors blame their partner?

  September 6th, 2017 by lonely87

Im really struggling to understand how/why my husband chose not only to blame me but to make a campaign out of it in his suicide. His note blames a threat I made (I kept threatening to have him arrested for his violence, I was referring to historical violence but he was paranoid and thought I’d lie and say it was ongoing) but also makes reference to needing the kids to be saved from me, calling me a monster. He left a list of alleged domestic abuse I’d done which ranges from true, to lie, to downright bizarre, to deliberately calculated to sound like something bad when it wasn’t (eg. saying I didn’t let him look at women in underwear on tv which isn’t true, the reality is I didn’t let him look at porn, so he had the logical thought that by saying “doesn’t let me look at porn” a lot of people would be on my side or find it not unusual, so he made it sound crazy by saying “women in underwear”)

At no point does he say he loves me but he does say he loves his kids. The note is short and functional. Very well thought out and planned, carefully written.

His final email to me is not so, it’s more anger and spite, saying I’ve abused him for the whole 11 years, there was only one escape etc…. but it does end with “I gave you everything I had, built my whole life for our family, did everything you ever asked, but it wasn’t enough, nothing ever is” which is the nicest thing in the whole email!

Now I’ll admit I’m not an angel but he was far from one too, and this argument was no different to any other..

Anyone here write a similar note and not mean it?

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