Things seemed better or at least I can trick myself enough to get through the day. There seemed to be enough noise so that I dont have to hear my own thoughts. Then something happens that stuns enough so that the outside is quiet again and I am right back in that dark place. It’s like the universe just won’t let me have my own self constructed abnormal little bit of peace.
I had no more illusions of real life except to get through each day until someone complains of the smell of a rotting corpse and finds me on a couch. I know in my core that I am not a good man. I guess I should have not been fooled that there always a peg lower that the universe can knock you down the second things feel comfortable. Even if that peace is a miserable one.
I just want out and hopefully one day I will have the guts to do it.
1 comment
You sound like me. I’m trying the best I can to hang in here. Seeing 2 doctors and have a wife and son who count on me. I’ve made a couple feeble attempts already in the past few years. I’m afraid the next time will accomplish the stupid thoughts I have about living.