Holding it all in

I have work at 7:30 am tomorrow so I really should be asleep right now… but I just wanted to express myself a little I guess… I’m doing better rn than I have been for the last few days… I’ve been in my room with the lights off, not eating or communicating with anyone.. but sleeping A LOT.. I love to sleep.. sooo much.. why? The same reason a lot of you guys may love to sleep too… to escape reality. I can’t get over how evil people can be. I’ve lost over $2,000 within the last 6 months. Im not well off at all..this was money I worked long and hard for to save up.. bare in mind I’m only 19.. so it was a lot of money to me. I lost it because I thought I was helping out some people who really needed help… turns out they were just using me and I’ll never get that money that I worked so hard for back… these guys really made me feel like they cared about me and that they would never do me wrong.. but of course when the time came around for them to give me my money back they just completely ignored me and acted like I didn’t exist or mean anything to them… I’m so hurt and I feel so betrayed. I can’t even ask myself what I did to deserve this… because I know what I did, it’s what I do best .. and that’s make dumb decisions and let people take advantage of me. I’m so stupid and so worthless. Is that why God put me on this earth? To benefit other people who don’t give a fuck about me? When do I get to benefit from someone? When does someone actually love me and treat me as if I’m of worth?.. never I guess… people fucking suck…

Can’t wait to no longer be a part of this evil world.