Another day I’m just surviving along.
i read quotes about suicide all day and night the only thing that I have going for me is I can knock myself out with kolonopin when I want. I read about methods and the pros and cons of each ones. It’s forefront on my mind.
ive lost my hope and the last things I’ve held on to.
i used to be able to get by purely on curiosity of what will happen next and I haven’t reached the end of the rabbit hole yet I’m sure, but one thing I am sure of is things will not get better. This time is different than others, I’m tired beaten down and alone in my darkest hours once again. At 26 years old I should be happy and having the time of my life right? Not for me I just wasn’t meant to be happy.
i have my method and it’s 99% effective something is holding me back? It’s not hope it’s not curiosity. I’m no longer afraid of what’s on the other side because I’m already mentally in hell.
is it the fact that it’s going to make a mess? That my family will find me and it will be permanently etched into their minds? I don’t know what’s holding me back. But I know my days are numbered one night I’ll have a few drinks a cigar and just get this over with.
2 comments
Having someone I care about find my body is one thing that holds me back, I feel it. I’m around the same age as you and I feel like I’m in a similar situation of ‘should be having the time of my life’. Life has been testing me lately too but I hope you can find your source of comfort again <3
You sound awesome 🙂 I love to knock myself out with klonopin. I always think being asleep is better than awake. The only reason I like to be awake is to study and work on creative projects. Sometimes I have no motivation so I will knock out