What’s next??……………..

For the past 3 weeks I have stayed in my house, I go to school nd come back home. I don’t feel wanted or loved anymore I keep having flashbacks of my past. I tried to overdose 2 nights ago, I ended up cutting again. What’s next?? should I just go ahead nd take my life nd hope that God will forgive me nd still allow me to go through the gates or heaven or even just give me a little house outside the gates? Should I just disappear from everybody nd hope that nobody starts to look for me? Should I fake my death nd disappear nd hope that my life will get better?? WTF IS NEXT?? Ughhhh im so fuckin tired of people fuckin telling me ITS GOING TO BE OK but when ive been going through all this pain by myself nd people keep sayin EVERYTHINGS GOING TO BE OK like no tf its not so stop lying. Its NOT going to be ok nor am I going to be FINE… why do I have to keep suffering like this…….its hurts to have this much pain built up inside nd be so young. I HATE THIS SHIT so fuckin much……………………can somebody tell me what’s next on the list???????