My thoughts #5

So the family and i are going to stay at my aunt’s. in the city for a little “Vacation” my first thought about it, was is there any way to off myself. Without money and is it efficient, I don’t know why but i’m shaking I’m not scared. I got over my fear of death long ago, I would laugh in its face if it had a physical form. so since I’m more than 65% that I’m going to off myself. I just don’t want to leave loose ends so maybe say good bye to distant family members. I doubt most of them care about me and to be honest the feelings are mutual, so should I worry about that sort of stuff or just focus on my main side of the family. I have no clue how my other family members are going to react, to my selfish acts so its best just to leave it to my imagination. My brother has been saying that I’m probably going to repeat school,  and he is obviously right with my attendance and I can only smirk. Every time I hear him discussing it because how irrelevant. It’s going to be in a couple weeks, but i must thank my family because they did teach me valuable stuff. Like always have doubt because nothing, will always go your way when it comes to life. It’s best to always have a bit of it around, to make sure you stay in reality this isn’t an official suicide letter or anything. But my other post and including this will be the foundation, for it when that times comes I don’t even know you but thanks. Venting and expression of my situation and circumstances, is nice to have so tbh I want my final day. To be i have my favourite meal and I go to my room, browse the internet and watch anime until eventually around eleven. I would do the deed but I don’t even know, if the way I’m going to do it will let me have such a nice last experience. Some people here hate being in solitude, well my case is quite the opposite other people are to unpredictable and so confusing. To relax around so I tend to just be in my room, and getting on with my day well I think this one went on long enough. I will probably write one more of these My Thoughts but just doubt me on that.