Looking at the scars running down each arm
Realizing no one cares so I self-harm
I know I’ll get glares if I don’t wear sleeves
Even when it’s way too hot to believe
I feel tired, I feel forgot
Undesired and always trapped in thought
Picking at a scab until it bleeds
Then licking up all of the tiny beads
Of blood forming on my arm
I don’t care, so I self-harm
18 comments
Why do you do it? I think it makes me feel real somehow. Because I usually feel invisible. Now that I’m older, the scars are just there. They are evidence that I was a confused little girl. And that I really was invisible.
I’m not exactly sure…. Probably the main reason for it is that I hate myself a lot. I never feel that close to people either, it’s hard for me to believe that people wouldn’t hate me…. I’m pre sure some people don’t since I kind of do have friends, however they more or less are restricted to a few small areas of life and we specifically ever do like one things together….. So is that really a friend?
I’m sorry that I can’t really answer your question, I really don’t know…. I haven’t cut for a pre long time now, last time being right before last New Years, so that’s like almost 3 months now…. And the last time before that was in the april before or so…. So at least it’s not a daily thing anymore, and probably won’t be again…. Eventhough right now I constantly tell myself that is because I’m too much of a little ***** to start cutting myself every day again, which is likely not a healthy thought.
I know it’s hard, but try to find something that you like about yourself.
As for friends, they don’t all have to be deep, share everything friends. Sometime friends can be nice. As long as you don’t expect more than they can offer.
Well I really only have two friends and none of them are those :/
My counselor has told me to do that too, or to at least find something that I don’t hate about myself, which is hard to do. And when I went with that I kind of like my scars apparently that wasn’t a great answer…….. But I do like them though…. And I sort of want more, although I know I shouldn’t. It’s hard to cut right now at least since I have removed pre much everything that I could use for such. I guess the kitchen knives could maybe work but they’re so dull they wouldn’t be able to do what I’d want them to. :/
It’s hard to explain I kind of like my scars, as they feel like things I’ve done…. But I also hate them a lot because they really do limit my life a lot and control what I can wear. It’s confusing.
Awesome poem! You’re a good writer! Keep it up.
I knew that I had control over my actions when my mother bought me a set of nice kitchen knives for Christmas one year. Either that or she never really knew what I was doing. I prefer the first reason, but the latter is most likely true.
In my case a lot of people really don’t know. :/
I think that’s true for most. It’s easy to hide until you become intimate with someone. Then the truth comes pouring out and it’s such a relief.
Some people know, not really family people though…. It was nice letting the ones that know know though I do agree.
I never cared to hide from people. That’s most likely why I never had a real friend growing up either. Just a bunch of users but I have come to realize that most people are, either on purpose or by accident.
I like my scars too. I even cut a heart around the tattoo I did of my daughters name.
Thanks for your kind words above. ^_^
Also I have been strange, like in school everybody knew because the first time I didn’t really hide it because I didn’t realize that it was a bad thing…. I didn’t see my mother before going because of how mornings worked and then I realized to keep my coat on all day when I first took it off and got a very specific and negative reaction…. Although I feel like everybody forgot with-in a year or so as when I mentioned that to a friend I made from it a year or two later (he was involved in the negative reaction before) he acted very surprised, so -shrugs- I guess people are forgetful. Either way few people in my life know, mostly it’s just family that doesn’t know but that’s most of the people in my life…. It sucks a lot now that I have scars on my hands, and face…. The face ones are hard to notice at least, and can only really be seen if somebody is close which I avoid anyway, and I look at the ground so that hides that well….
I have never cut shapes or anything into myself, I have cut words though…. Lots of words, “Useless”, “Worthless”, “******” and others like those :/
I’m sorry… hugs. I don’t know what to say. saw your other comment
Yay -is happy to hear that you saw it- ^_^
I’ve realize that even though I am a lot happier at 23 then I was at 16 that depression will not disappear on its own and I’m aware I need medical help, I plan to get that as soon as I have time. Take it from someone who’s been in your shoes and thought the same way about her scars when she was younger. You will regret them, every day, at grocery stores, family events and job interviews. Stop while you can and I hope that you have the strength to get through this stage of life??
I have been mostly calm with cutting honestly…. My scars are already to a point of no return, massive and horrible…. Also we’re the same age ^_^ yay xD
That was beautiful. <3
Much thanks xD