How do I do this without hurting people?

  April 26th, 2018 by Heh

I can’t stand the thought of my mother, or family walking through my bedroom door and seeing me there lifeless with blood pouring from my body. I know there’s other ways… but no matter what they’ll find out… that it was me who did it. I don’t want my mother to ask the what if’s. She will always blame herself. Other lives and feelings are worth more than mine… so if I have to carry on wanting to kill myself every second just so everyone else is happy, I will. But it’s so, so hard to do and I can’t fucking do this alone anymore. It’s all I think about. Every time I see a window, a sharp object, my damn pills, I just think that it could all be over the moment I do it. And I get a smile. But then I would put my family through all the pain that I was in. Then I put the knife or pills down. I’m still in middle school and there’s pain to last millions of lifetimes. So don’t tell me it gets better. Because it doesn’t. It won’t. But please… tell me how to do this without hurting people. I can’t do this cycle anymore.

Processing your request, Please wait....