Last few months, that thing I have heard from people who care about me.
“Sometimes It takes a loss to gain something beautiful to your life.”
“You are like a vine or plant that are trying to grow and your ex-friend is a brick block your way out and weight you down…You have made so much of a process and she didn’t let herself to move one and grow from it. You are on right path. ”
“You are so sweet person with a good soul. Yes, we all make mistake and that makes us human. I have lived with an abuser for 6 years and you are not like him at all. A real abuser does not accept their mistake and own up to it. They show no remorse. You clearly do and that is how much you show your love for other expect yourself. Don’t ever think that, a friend who act on toxic behavior, maybe yes, but a real abuser? Trust me you are not. ”
After me asking my girlfriend what she see in me and why she does this for me? ” You are funny and cute with a really good soul. You deserve all good things in the world.” She held me as I cried.
“I am so glad to hear you say that you are sick of being too hard on yourself…I am too! *Laughers* You have made so much process and you should be proud of yourself. You soar so fast right after hitting the bottom on your own, and that said something about you… You are an amazing woman.”
“You are stronger than me. Yes, even though you are suicidal and have a hard time, but you are stronger than I am. I could not believe that YOU can’t see it. Why everyone sees it and you don’t?! I wish I could do it as you could.” -a long time ago by my ex.
I have heard many things and I could not remember all but… after type this out and it becomes valid.
I do not allow myself to disappear out of my existence. Even If I want to, I would not. It will always be like that.
Somewhere deep inside me do believe I deserve better. I have experienced some worse of the worse at young ages and know the word, lonely, too well than anyone could. Yet, I keep going. I just walk through all the bullshits and keep my eye on something that any humans need. Love. I am worthy of it.