I’m not supposed to be happy.

You know what, I seriously don’t think I’m supposed to be happy. Like I think my destiny and fate is just to be unhappy. I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is. Every time that I feel happy and can say to myself “life is going pretty great” (which is not often as it is) my life just suddenly says “oh, she’s happy, better change that”. Like literally things are finally going good like I can actually say I have friends and I’m happy with them and the way things are going but then now they’ve decided that they don’t like me as much as the rest of the friends, some of them don’t even want me to be there at all and some friends decide to only hang out with me when I have money for them and only show up when they want to instead of when they say they will. I hate being used and I hate most of all being left out. Life is always full of ups and downs but I feel like mine goes “down, down, down, down, up, down, down,  down”. It’s not fair that I only get a tiny bit of good in my very bad life. It’s like if someone gave you your favourite food for free and you could only have one bite of it every 3 months and no more than that – unfair right? Well yeah I just don’t get why it has to be this way. Why can’t things just go my way more often, is it something about me? I really think the universe just doesn’t want me to be happy – I’m just not supposed to be happy and I guess I’ll have to deal with that.