Never hanging again

June 4th, 2018by Agonizing

Noose snapped still tied to my neck and I was too disoriented to tell, found myself in the bathroom looking in the mirror feeling extreme strain and not knowing why I was feeling increasing danger, and I said out “what’s going on?” thinking i had come out the noose hence the fact i was now in the bathroom away from the hanging wardrobe, I was confused I could still feel the tie and i started picking at it and then saw it was frayed, i pulled at it desperately until I could loosen the rope, I got it off and threw myself on the bed with my heart beating hard for 10 minutes, I have a bruised eye, one side of my throat is killing me, my wind pipe feels crushed and my right elbow feels fucked. Things where i tried to hang were strewn all over the floor and my phone was in pieces, which makes me think there was a struggle before i broke the tie. I wish I hadn’t got the noose off I only had about 30 seconds of consciousness to go, I’d be dead by now, my body doesn’t want it but every other part of my consciousness does, it’s the only thing for me to do without a doubt. I don’t think I would hesitate to overdose, I’d do it right now just to avoid the pain of waking up tomorrow let alone years into the future. Seriously need to get these drugs. I can’t imagine months of waiting like this, and I don’t want to make it a whole year of suffering before I can end it.

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