Not suicidal anymore after 4 months

June 14th, 2018by Agonizing

I got fucked with an antipsychotics injection in February and it made life unbearable, I researched so many ways to kill myself and made several attempts at my life. I have been bed ridden for all this time groaning for hours in pain barely able to look after myself, I woke up daily to 5 hour long headaches and had no energy, motivation or ability to feel pleasure, i.e. anhedonia. I thought I was permanently brain damaged.

I had given hope on Sunday and planned on killing my neighbour who was ultimately the cause of why I got sectioned and injected (because he woke me up nightly for years intentionally, long story, and when I alerted the authorities they decided I was the crazy one), I was suicidal drunk and on valium and was going to kill myself anyway so might as well get revenge on who is partly to blame, I rang his buzzer to get him out so I could go into his flat and finish him off before jumping from a building nearby or just going to jail for murder, it didnt make a difference my life was completely fucked either way I thought. He called the police and I hid until they left, they havent been back but the council left a message about the incident, I have to play dumb or the council will tell the psychiatrists and they will definitely inject me.

I woke up the next morning and I didnt have the headaches that made me suicidal anymore. And I have felt better each day, the police havent come back and I pray nothing arises from that moment of madness.

I cant believe the improvement I have experienced this week, I cant believe how different I feel compared to the last time I wrote here, as long as I can avoid any further contact with the psychiatrists I think I can have my life back in a few months and maybe even better after such a harrowing experience. I hope that when I die it will be after living a long good fruitful life and I hope I will get the chance to make it a painless death using what I’ve learned from this experience. I hope you find your way out of your problem, and I hope I never have a return to this site in same poor spirit I had, I am extremely grateful to have another opportunity to be human again. Thanks for reading and good luck to you.

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