I got fucked with an antipsychotics injection in February and it made life unbearable, I researched so many ways to kill myself and made several attempts at my life. I have been bed ridden for all this time groaning for hours in pain barely able to look after myself, I woke up daily to 5 hour long headaches and had no energy, motivation or ability to feel pleasure, i.e. anhedonia. I thought I was permanently brain damaged.
I had given hope on Sunday and planned on killing my neighbour who was ultimately the cause of why I got sectioned and injected (because he woke me up nightly for years intentionally, long story, and when I alerted the authorities they decided I was the crazy one), I was suicidal drunk and on valium and was going to kill myself anyway so might as well get revenge on who is partly to blame, I rang his buzzer to get him out so I could go into his flat and finish him off before jumping from a building nearby or just going to jail for murder, it didnt make a difference my life was completely fucked either way I thought. He called the police and I hid until they left, they havent been back but the council left a message about the incident, I have to play dumb or the council will tell the psychiatrists and they will definitely inject me.
I woke up the next morning and I didnt have the headaches that made me suicidal anymore. And I have felt better each day, the police havent come back and I pray nothing arises from that moment of madness.
I cant believe the improvement I have experienced this week, I cant believe how different I feel compared to the last time I wrote here, as long as I can avoid any further contact with the psychiatrists I think I can have my life back in a few months and maybe even better after such a harrowing experience. I hope that when I die it will be after living a long good fruitful life and I hope I will get the chance to make it a painless death using what I’ve learned from this experience. I hope you find your way out of your problem, and I hope I never have a return to this site in same poor spirit I had, I am extremely grateful to have another opportunity to be human again. Thanks for reading and good luck to you.
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Glad to hear this Agonizing, I had a feeling you would be able to pull through.
I’m still suffering pretty badly.
DW thanks for the positive kind words while you’re struggling yourself. You have to stop thinking what will happen in the future. I read that only 1 in 10 of our fears materialize. I’m certainly not out of the frying pan by any means but the suffering I feel does not make me feel like death is the only way out. It certainly isn’t for you, you are young and not unwell you just have to get your thinking smoothed out. I wish I could help you come out of this hole
Thanks Agonizing. I wish anyone could pull me out of this whole, I don’t care who gets me out.
I’m trying my best but dang this difficult.
My neighbor is an old dude….who is pretty much the same way.
He keeps calling the police and being verbally abusive.
I finally just started communicating in sign language with the hopes he will leave me alone.
Personal space is a real thing that is necessary.
He literally comes on the porch and tries to start shit with me over cigarette butts.
One time he knocked on the door at like 4am.
Then proceeded to shoot a crow outside of where we live.
I went to school with his relative…..who was a massive bully.
I even had a dream about a dude in our class who recently died that was trying to warn me about said bully because he is still around being a bully.
His relative (my neighbor) is not much different.
If he’s angry or upset about something…he should she a psychiatrist himself.
He might be a veteran, but he is getting up in my family’s space/business too much.
If he is having his own personal issue, you are not to blame, and it shouldn’t be taken out on you.
I would also recommend writing down and keeping track of the stuff your neighbor is doing….by recording it (video if possible (like if he is doing something in your space) or maybe in a journal even but with caution and discretion), so that when the police come by you have solid documentation that they can’t deny (thus proving it is not you). Either way you will have documentation to what you are witnessing in case you get put in another situation where you have to be defensive. It might have just been an isolated incident as well. In which case just ignoring the situation might be best. I am pretty sure I freaked my neighbor out once because of this experimental/new medication I got put on during a med switch. Some people think psychiatry/meds are the answer when sometimes they are the cause.
I am glad you are feeling better and sorry about your suffering and what you are going through due to someone else’s actions and what seems like blame.
My neighbor also seems super paranoid a lot (like looking over the shoulder which makes it seem like he knows he’s doing stuff he is not supposed to), and the creeper levels are really really high. Sometimes he even has guests that seem super inappropriate. Again he is an old guy who has like small children over (they could be relatives, but they do not ever visibly seem to be related)….and members of the disabled community. The stuff I hear also sounds highly illegal about 100% of the time. He might be a sex offender. He takes people down into his storage area basement and does stuff that sounds incredibly scary. He made a weird comment about twins once too. I try really hard not to judge people, but I don’t see him as approachable by how aggressive he is. I could be completely wrong, but it seems like he has some serious issues, which is why I am trying to be understanding about it. I don’t really say anything to anyone in case I am wrong because accusing someone of something like that can have super serious repercussions. I kind of want to leave the situation but don’t currently have many options.
I like it when my brother comes over because it seems like my neighbor stops doing these things when my brother is around, but as soon as my brother leaves, it’s like, back at it.
I kind of want to leave him a note asking him to chill out and leave us alone, but he’d probably get upset about it…..
My grandma recently came over and seemingly left a note for him, but it’s just like….the whole situation is messed up. Makes me want to talk to his relative I went to school with since he seems to be using my grandma, but the situation seems more complex in some sort of way. And again….I’m trying not to judge.
His grandson also did get spoken to about his bullying behavior when we went to school but was later given some participation type medal for being in school everyday…..he was in school everyday mostly being a bully and ripping on other people quite a bit. Having a problem or fair critique with a single person is moderately understandable…..attacking a whole group of people without much familiarity is bullying. Luckily there was a few kind hearted souls that stood up and responded with quite a bit of grace to him and his other bully “friend.” I’ve found that not engaging in it can be the best option at times.
I’m rambling at this point, but I do sincerely hope your situation improves. This was very relatable to me, and if anything I said was helpful to you, I wish you the best. Injections are painful and usually highly unnecessary and extreme. I would also not suggest killing your neighbor because there are probably better ways to work through the situation…..but eh.