After 5 years .. I am back again at suicide project !

  July 24th, 2018 by jano.19

The Last time I posted was FIVE years ago ..

I never though I’d ever come back .!

Yet here I am

I guess we never really change !

no matter how hard we try to change ourselves deep down we will always be the same .

I fought hard .. and I’m still fighting .. I’m not really willing to surrender not before not now not ever

yet still my inner self , my flaws , my weaknesses.. are catching up with me ..

spend the last five years in what I developed to br a stable life .. it is actually to most people it’s what they want .

I got a job , in which I am very good at .. I got over my abuseive boyfriend and got healed of all his shit ..

prople syill judge me for who I was , though some very few are supportive ..

I built back a good relationship with my parents, my family in general and it seems working out .. they have been such a big supporter ..

I replaced my big fat squad with two loving friends ..

I took care of my look a little bit ..

I changed the way I dressed

but still failed to get my inner shit together

I got used to be abused may seem !

I had a relation with a nice guy .. I FUCKED IT ALL UP because he was soo natural and real and regular

he ¬†wasn’t messed up or lost or abusive or abused

he was a normal guy , which I couldn’t pare to be around

I tried soo hard to drag him into my DRAMA

But he took the long way short and gave up on this little messed up girl ..

Now I am 25 years old .. still wondering when will I be normal,  will I EVER be normal !?

My villains keeps on dragging me into a drama I don’t have , creating scenes in which I am drawning ..

got the house , the family, the job , the money , but still unable to get me !

I don’t really control or understand myself

maybe it’s not soo bad to lose control Just once

but it’s the worse no never have control ever ..

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