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by theironbiggo

uhhhh don’t come on here anymore but i don’t really know what to do. my girlfriend can genuinely do better, but she’s got the low self esteem™ so she doesn’t think she can. or maybe she does! not sure what makes me feel worse; her pretending to like me to protect my feelings or the thought that she honestly thinks i’m the best she can do. i hope she cheats on me. i wouldn’t blame her, anyone in her position would. im short and chubby and gross and boring and a complete fucking freak. im not exaggerating, she’s completely amazing and she’s settling for a freak. she could literally have anyone she wanted but she’s settling for a goblin boy because she doesn’t know how great she is. the guilt is really eating at me.

i can feel it, yknow. like when i say i love you she usually doesn’t say it back, or just groans or mumbles something. when i kiss her she pulls back. i really dont blame her. i feel bad for showing affection because it puts her in a really awkward spot of having to pretend to like me. i think im gonna stop doing that now.  i dont deserve this. i’ve hurt her so many times because of my depression and anxiety. we were friends years before dating and i’d just up and leave her because i thought it would make her life better. months at a time. and it hurt her. im fucking trash. i dont deserve this or anything. i dont even know why i’m still here to be honest with all of you faceless internet sad boys. i dont know why i’m typing this. i dont know what the fuck im supposed to do! hopefully she realizes what a mistake she made by asking me out and i can go back to my pre planed life of isolation. sounds fun, i know. but realistically, im not good looking. im not intersecting. im literally below average in every aspect. im not even a good person. some people just weren’t made to be loved by another person. that sounds bad but its just true. there’s billions of people out there, statistically some of them are meant to die alone.

i would love to enjoy this relationship because for the past 4 years this is all i’ve ever wanted. she’s the only person i’ve ever had feelings for. but i cant pretend like i can make her happy. i cant keep going!! im fucking weak!! im trash!! i am literally nothing, no one has ever gave a fuck about me, i dont know why she does. i hold her above everyone else in my life and she cares about me for some reason. im fucking stupid, she obviously doesn’t. she feels bad for me. i feel terrible. i know she doesn’t wanna be with me. i know she’d be better without me and yet i’m still here. that makes me a selfish, bad person. she matters. she deserves everything! i am nothing! i hope she realizes this or breaks up with me or finds someone better. even being alone would be a better alternative than being with me.

that sure was edgy. i dont know. this isn’t gonna help but at least it’s out there. im just so fucked. im never gonna be happy, but at least she could be if i was gone. i know the natural response is sympathy or whatever but i really am just a piece of shit, talentless, short, annoying, unattractive, nothing. i am nothing. she is everything. i dont deserve this. why am i still here. i know she doesn’t love me, i don’t blame her. how could she. how could anyone. she shouldn’t. i would never want her to stoop as low as to love me. or even like me.

i just don’t know what to do. would it be wrong to ask her to leave me.


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sugarcoated 7/29/2018 - 7:49 am

have you talked to her yet? You should at least hear what she has to say before leaving her. If she doesn’t love you then you should try harder to be better, as in stop being depressed. But who am I to judge, I’m not doing that great myself. I have no friends, the only person that is my “friend” constantly puts me down and makes fun of me. So at least your girlfriend cares about your feelings. You’re probably pushing her away with your low self esteem (in my opinion). Just talk to her. That’s the best advice I can give you.

Cause of Death: Suicide 7/29/2018 - 12:56 pm

Shouldn’t be so worried about one girl. You should find a hobby. If she plans to leave then she’s going to leave. You can’t stop her there.

longgone.bleeding 7/29/2018 - 2:33 pm

I can relate to this so much like my ex gf would literally date trash aka me when she could have anyone else and where you said that beforehand you were friends with her really reminded me of myself.. we broke up recently..

I think you should have a full on conversation about it with her, but try to be in the neutral realistic side rather than the negative ones only.

In my situation which is pretty similar from what I read, I asked my gf to leave but I didn’t think that I would be in so much agony without her, the first time was back in Feb a day before my bday she left without hesitation but we got back at the end of Feb, 2nd time was last month which she completely denied the idea and the 3rd time is now which is completely permanent, it happened this week. They say 3rd times a charm! boyy do I regret it.

So you better be sure that you truly would want her to leave but again discuss it with her and see how she would feel about it all with all the reasons displayed to her.

theironbiggo 7/30/2018 - 6:27 pm

i dont want to not have her in my life. but i feel like that’s the selfish part!! if you know for a fact someone’s life would be better without you, then why would you stay unless it was for your own benefit. i sound stupid!’ but this is how my brain feels. the only reason she felt bad the first time i tried to kill me self was because i ended up in the hospital and she didn’t know about that. so to her it seemed like i just stopped talking to her because i didn’t like her which was “the big wrong”. i’ve just made her feel bad so consistently, i don’t understand what she sees in me. i can make her happy, i cant make her laugh, im not attractive. i have nothing offer and she has everything to offer. i know she’s not perfect, no one is, but she’s amazing. an amazing person deserves an equally amazing person, not a person whose completely below average. i dont know!! im stupid. and sad. probably not the best headspace for thinking, but this just seems like the best idea for her.

annon111 8/1/2018 - 5:12 am

I like your style. You seem like you’d be funny irl. Is it love to stay together or break up? I don’t know

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