uhhhh don’t come on here anymore but i don’t really know what to do. my girlfriend can genuinely do better, but she’s got the low self esteem™ so she doesn’t think she can. or maybe she does! not sure what makes me feel worse; her pretending to like me to protect my feelings or the thought that she honestly thinks i’m the best she can do. i hope she cheats on me. i wouldn’t blame her, anyone in her position would. im short and chubby and gross and boring and a complete fucking freak. im not exaggerating, she’s completely amazing and she’s settling for a freak. she could literally have anyone she wanted but she’s settling for a goblin boy because she doesn’t know how great she is. the guilt is really eating at me.
i can feel it, yknow. like when i say i love you she usually doesn’t say it back, or just groans or mumbles something. when i kiss her she pulls back. i really dont blame her. i feel bad for showing affection because it puts her in a really awkward spot of having to pretend to like me. i think im gonna stop doing that now. i dont deserve this. i’ve hurt her so many times because of my depression and anxiety. we were friends years before dating and i’d just up and leave her because i thought it would make her life better. months at a time. and it hurt her. im fucking trash. i dont deserve this or anything. i dont even know why i’m still here to be honest with all of you faceless internet sad boys. i dont know why i’m typing this. i dont know what the fuck im supposed to do! hopefully she realizes what a mistake she made by asking me out and i can go back to my pre planed life of isolation. sounds fun, i know. but realistically, im not good looking. im not intersecting. im literally below average in every aspect. im not even a good person. some people just weren’t made to be loved by another person. that sounds bad but its just true. there’s billions of people out there, statistically some of them are meant to die alone.
i would love to enjoy this relationship because for the past 4 years this is all i’ve ever wanted. she’s the only person i’ve ever had feelings for. but i cant pretend like i can make her happy. i cant keep going!! im fucking weak!! im trash!! i am literally nothing, no one has ever gave a fuck about me, i dont know why she does. i hold her above everyone else in my life and she cares about me for some reason. im fucking stupid, she obviously doesn’t. she feels bad for me. i feel terrible. i know she doesn’t wanna be with me. i know she’d be better without me and yet i’m still here. that makes me a selfish, bad person. she matters. she deserves everything! i am nothing! i hope she realizes this or breaks up with me or finds someone better. even being alone would be a better alternative than being with me.
that sure was edgy. i dont know. this isn’t gonna help but at least it’s out there. im just so fucked. im never gonna be happy, but at least she could be if i was gone. i know the natural response is sympathy or whatever but i really am just a piece of shit, talentless, short, annoying, unattractive, nothing. i am nothing. she is everything. i dont deserve this. why am i still here. i know she doesn’t love me, i don’t blame her. how could she. how could anyone. she shouldn’t. i would never want her to stoop as low as to love me. or even like me.
i just don’t know what to do. would it be wrong to ask her to leave me.