That Time of Year

My older brother did. I didn’t find him or anything. He hung himself in his dorm room. I remember clearly the police telling mom the news. i think she knew already as soon as he was at the door. Remember her crying in my arms.

i’ll never forget it cause while our heads where there side by side she was sobbing and i was smiling. Sadly that’s just how my mind dealt with it. i just snapped and stopped feeling emotions. Even now more than a decade later it’s something i work to get past. Just made harder that so long has past without getting those emotions out.

Not the same as losing your father but my father died shortly before i was born so he was the main older male i looked up to. which is unfortunate because he himself was not psychologically well from my moms issues and he also never knew his dad so it just kind of rolls downhill.

I won’t do that to my little brother though. if i can’t get my life together and find someone to share it with i’ll at least wait until my parents die and he’s well established in life before i check out.

but yeah