Bad times

  October 30th, 2018 by Still_A_Human

I have a what from an outsider’s perspective a nice life. I have a loving family, nice grades, I don’t have any mental conditions, and I have nice things. But coming into my real life you see how horrible it is. I went to a nice school and I had bunch of friends, but I changed schools and everyone, EVERYONE hates me. I’m not exaggerating either, even my teachers hate me. I’ve never gotten a detention in my life, and now I’ve gotten 2 suspensions in three weeks. Think about it, it’s not me, it’s them. I am constantly bullied in school and beaten up. I come home almost every day making excuses to make my parents think I have a nice life. I would tell them the truth, but they would never understand. The only person I could relatively call my friend would just say I’m exaggerating, or I’m lying for attention.

I’ve cut a few times, knowing its horrible, but I do it anyway. That’s on the worst days. I do it when I’m so emotionally dead that I think I deserve it. I know I don’t.

I think every day about suicide, and I know I shouldn’t.

I hate myself for wanting that.

I hate myself for existing.

I hate life.

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