It doesn’t help. I had an appointment today and my therapist told me that she didn’t want to waste my time because I wasn’t getting better. That’s because I hate therapy! And I keep telling everyone that and my mom still makes me go and everyone expects it to help but it doesn’t! It is so artificial and fake. Like she expects me to have the motivation to read a book about what God thinks of me? I don’t care! I don’t care about myself or my life or anything anymore. I don’t care what “God thinks of me” because how can I take an opinion that is in a book from thousands of years ago to heart when I wasn’t even a thought in anyone’s mind? If God wanted me to know his opinions of me he would’ve written a little section just for me, because I don’t believe that His opinions of specific people back then relate to me at all. Stop feeding me lies! I know I’m worthless and stupid and fat and ugly, literally ask anyone who knows me and they’ll confirm it. I’m so upset because I’m being told what I’ve thought and believed my whole life are lies. But I’ve believed in God my whole life, how do I not know He’s the lie? How do I know there was any reason for me being put on earth? I keep telling people that therapy makes me worse and they don’t believe me, but I’m the most suicidal after my sessions because I feel so HELPLESS. There is no hope for me getting better. I even wrote a poem, which I do quite often, about how much therapy messes with me and I’ll share it if you guys want but it sucks anyway. I just hate everything right now and I don’t see a point in continuing to live.
8 comments
I would suggest you rather read some Jordan Peterson. He also speaks in religious context but it applies to everyday life. Im sure you are not as ugly as you think of yourself. Try to not bother by appearance that much (it must be hard I know). For me looks were never important. I never thought that I am ugly, still Im too insecure to talk to girls. If the therapy doesnt work there is no point in continuing it, like you said it will only make you worse. Maybe you should try a different therapist.
Thanks for the suggestion 🙂 People tell me I’m not ugly but I feel like they just say that to be nice. All I see when I look in the mirror is a monster honestly. I hate how it feels like I have to look a certain way or act a certain way to be liked by random people who don’t mean anything to me. I feel like the way you look might be pressured onto girls more in our society, but who knows I’ve never lived a day as a guy. I’m stopping therapy, I guess it just isn’t right for me.
I think that’s definitely worse for women – in the sense that the competition amongst women is greater. However, I believe a study done in Spain showed that men were actually more forgiving than women, when it came to looks and the opposite sex. The thing is, though: men primarily choose women based on looks, whereas women seem to value power.
I concur with PatheticMale: I think Jordan Peterson has a hell of a lot of wisdom to impart, even if I don’t agree with everything he says. He’s someone who is unusually smart and has thought unusually hard about human affairs. This might be a place to start:
youtube.com/watch?v=XI0VJAg7ZTw
When it comes to perfectionism and body image, my two cents are that maybe the problem is the EXTENT of your focus on your body, rather than it being negative. I think lots of people are insecure about their bodies, but they probably pay less attention to it than someone with e.g. an eating disorder does.
I once lived for several years without a mirror. I left my hair and beard to their own devices (apart from keeping them clean), and lo and behold: people (including women) liked me anyway. Despite me looking like one of those wannabe jihadi neckbeards. I believe I became less self-conscious and better at focusing my full attention on what I was doing, or on the people I was interacting with.
If you’re interested in learning to shift your focus, this might help:
strangestofloops.blogspot.com/2011/11/beyond-cognition-interview-with-adrian.html
Finally, this might be useful too:
theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/01/willpower-isnt-the-best-way-to-get-things-done/550766/
Good luck!
I would suggest staying away from all religious books. Religion is a scam and if God is real (VERY doubtful) then he certainly doesn’t care about most humans, especially those on this website.
As for therapy.. I agree with you. That’s why I refuse to go. It can’t help what’s wrong with me and how much bad luck I have and how people treat me for no logical reason.
Winning the lottery would hrlp me a hell of a lot more than therapy would. At least then I wouldn’t be stressed and depressed about money and my inability to find & keep a job.
*help
religion is a scam, so I agree to stay away from that nonsense. They just want your money. It has been that way for centuries. Therapy is the same way. That person looking at you is thinking about dinner or their investment portfolio, not you or your problems. They don’t give a damn about you and would actually prefer that you just shut up and pay them. There is no answer to any of this.
My therapy experience was pointless. Question after question after question, followed by checklists of the many issues I face that require additional therapy. Five months, and I didn’t learn anything I hadn’t already learned elsewhere, and yet, she was ensuring my return on a weekly basis for months, maybe years, to come. A steady stream of income for her, and a steady stream of issues “that we’ll delve into a bit more next week, because your hour is up today.” Maybe something positive can come of it for some, but I left each session feeling worse than when I arrived, and never saw anything even remotely close to resembling progress. I’ve always found my own solutions to my issues anyways, just figured I’d try therapy since the state was footing the bill. No sense wasting taxpayers money to find out “your mother hated you.”
I’d like to read your poem, if you want to share.