Waiting

Hello again everyone. Things have been pretty tough recently, I’ve been struggling to get out of bed, to eat, to talk to people. The impulses are strong. I’ve almost jumped off my window a couple months ago.

My parents are getting old and my dad is a little sick again. I feel bad for them because they have to live and put up with me and all my psychological issues. There is not a day where I wish I wasn’t born. I am turning 23 this month. I am not getting better.

I finally reached the point where there is no hope. And it’s not as dark as I thought. I am just here, breathing, accepting that I am a failure, that I will never be loved by someone, I will never be successful, I will never be a first choice and I will never be happy.

So now I am just waiting. I am waiting for the end. I am waiting for the day where I finally take all those pills I have inside my first drawer.

There is no hope, there is no happy ending for some people and honestly I don’t even bother to care anymore. I have just accepted and that really set me free somehow. I see life as something so fragile and meaningless right now. I am just waiting for the curtains to close. So I can just stop waiting and finally be free.