Life goes on

  December 4th, 2018 by Clayton Michaels

I have less than two month to move out.  Evicted.  I have a crazy neighbor that’s been bullying me for years, I finally went off the deep end.  I’m lucky I haven’t been arrested, but I’m definitely kicked out of the building.

Got news today that my grandmother on father’s side passed away.  I was never that close to my father’s side of the family. or my father, but we’ve been trying to reconnect.  I remember she used to give me christmas ornaments every year when I was a kid.  They were pretty cool.

My emotions are scattered.  One minute I feel up to the challenge, the next I feel like giving up, but life is an adventure, it goes on.

I’m in better shape than I was a couple weeks ago when I found this page.  It’s a good place to be completely honest.  I’ve been in emotional and psychological pain my whole life.  I think most of us suicidal ideation want the pain to stop a lot more than we want to die.

If I were to kill myself, I would be robbing myself of that opportunity to eventually find peace.  It’s out there somewhere, sometimes in the form of a piece of music or a good meal.  Maybe someday I can find it in my home, maybe even a job.

I just have such a hard time getting along with people, but that’s another story.

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