She…

Why do some kids turn out spoilt? It’s because their parents coddled them, cleaned up their messes, spared them from learning valuable lessons about taking responsibility for their actions.

You were too quick to reward your cousin because you needed her in your life and didn’t want to lose her even to the point of apologizing when she was at fault.

These are lessons that must be taught to children and that’s how they become mature adults. Those kids who never take responsibility never had to feel the sense of guilt, remorse, regret, shame that comes with knowing you were wrong or made a mistake.

This, of course, is not all your fault, it sounds like your cousin was probably raised that way (spoiled) by her parents. There’s someone in my life who’s very similar and she can’t admit she’s wrong even though the fault lies with her. My relative and I were very close once but drifted over time.

Where you did err was not to hold her to account. When you give in too easily then people walk all over you. And when you lose other people’s respect then you lose that person’s interest as well. In your desperation to keep your cousin in your life, you ended up losing her by showing her you need her more than she needs you.

The way to have kept her is to draw a line, tell her how you expect to be treated, not to be too quick to apologize, except if you were to blame and be willing to walk away or not see/call her. The main thing is that misunderstandings in relationships always arise and it’s important to clear them up. Sometimes no one is to blame-but all that needs to be done is to sort out what was intended and perhaps for both sides to apologize.

When I was tough on my relative, she respected me more and realized she valued my relationship. I’d never take advantage of that because I have a conscience unlike some people out there. But I treated her just as well as she treated me but when she had been a b*tch towards I’ve been the same way in return.

Why bother chasing after someone who doesn’t want you in your life? Also once you lose that respect then it’s difficult to get back. The key is that you must value and respect yourself first. Create standards for others to treat you by and don’t compromise your values.

Plus if she doesn’t come back to you then you know she’s a rotten individual and you’re better off without her. Whatever good relationship you had in the past is now gone. I’ve found that there are many nasty, selfish people out there even in one’s own family and even if you were best friends in the past.

People are strange, they can change as individuals and they change their opinion about us so it’s better to accept reality as it is than to chase after others hoping to get back what you once had.

There is another relative who I don’t talk to anymore, I recently heard she’s going through some marital problems. In the past I used to offer her a lot of valuable, sensible advice. But she’s the kind of person who treats you like crap when she doesn’t need you anymore. She’s burned her bridges one too many times with me and I’m no longer going to help her in any way.

There was a time we were close and I miss when she used to be a really good person but some people can’t overcome their evil nature. See the funny thing is that I would’ve continued to help her if she behaved well with me, even if it was all an act. She’s a bit narcissistic and thinks she doesn’t need anyone esp when she’s doing well in life.

But her evil nature always brings her back to reality and she goes from one mess to another. She doesn’t think things through and never accepts blame. I have nothing against her personally, I don’t want to see her in a bad place in her life but as I said the last time we broke up was the last straw and I forgave her a thousand times before that.

I now dislike her intensely and I don’t care that we had good times before. It’s the person she’s become today that I don’t like anymore. I went on longer than intended but honestly, you might want to learn from my example. You deserve better treatment and it starts by you caring about yourself rather than counting on other people who are unreliable and self-serving.

In fact that is the key to keeping good quality people in your life, by respecting yourself, be willing to walk away from anyone, standing up for yourself and never putting up with anyone’s bs. Confidence, self-respect is magnetic to others.