Useless college rant

I start work at 11pm to 7am. Then I go to college from 8am to 1pm. I have to sleep during the day. Lucky for me at least my classes are every other day, so I have time to do homework.

My job is stocking a grocery store. And I’ve only spent one day there but my legs are sore and my hands are cut up and my back hurts. So that should be fun.

I dont completely hate my job. At least not yet. And since it’s mostly solo work I probably won’t hate it.

And I love school.. But I have a private lesson with a phenomenon teacher. And despite years of playing and practice, my biggest weakness it sight reading. I typically just learn a piece just by listening to it, because it’s faster for me. A lot of chord progressions I can tell without even playing notes on the piano for reference (simpler ones)

But my biggest weakness is sight reading. And she’s a classical teacher. And sight reading is kind if like the core element to that. So what did she ask me to do when I walked into her office today? (First she actually asked me to play something, so at least she doesn’t think I’m a total beginner). But she handed me a song and asked me to play it. I couldn’t.

I stumbled, I played f’s instead of f#’s. We were in the key of G, I know that key by heart, but my mind turns into mud when I sight read. I messed up almost every jump, I stopped playing for a few seconds after every measure. She kept correcting me, “that’s a 4th, you just played that g why did you play a instead? Your rhythm is getting out of sync.” And the worst part is I was sight reading a piece like, just a step above Mary had a little lamb. It was that bad. I could hear her frustration, her thinking how much of a waste of time I probably was to her. A college professor in a private lesson for a student who sight reads like they’ve never played a day in their life.. and I hated every minute, knowing I had made a mistake for signing up for this class. It doesn’t matter if I can identify diminished 7 chords by ear or improvise over modes and tritone substitutions, the one thing I can’t do is sight read, and that was the only thing she cared about.

I walked out of that class wanting to die.

I guess the solution seems simple, just sight read more, practice. But that’s the thing, I do practice sight reading.. I mean not a lot but over the 5 years I’ve been playing I’ve sight read quite a lot. And I’ve made like no progress. So how is it that I could made substantial progress now, in a matter of weeks so at least I dont feel like a complete waste of her time? She even gave me a piece she wants me to learn as well, which means sight reading practice gets even a smaller spotlight.

This is not even mentioning my group piano class at all. It’s the same teacher, but different pieces to learn. So add that to the pile.

Those aren’t the only 2 classes either of course. I have 4 more with homework and tests and studying.

I don’t know how I could do this. With work and school, I dont have time to put in hours of practice. I can get by the group piano class, but the private one? I made a mistake. I should have never signed up for it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Part of me wants to drop out of private piano. Part of me wants to drop out of school (it’s still the first week so it’s not like I’m looking progress). A part of me wants to find a part time job instead of full (because it only took months to find my current one..) And a part of me wants to find the tallest cliff I can. I’m not sure which one I prefer the most.

Sorry for this useless rant. I know most of you have plenty more problems than just pressing keys on a piano. I dont like posting here. I only do because I don’t have anywhere else to. You look great today by the way!