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So here I am again. Same old lame things. Depression, anxiety. But this week I’ve had a very special guest in my life: rejection.

It’s not that we hadn’t met before. Oh no, we’ve always been pretty close. But this week we really connected.

Being the weirdo doesn’t really get along with depression and anxiety. Specially when you’re the only girl at work who wasn’t invited to the farewell party. Feeling 15? Well I am 25 and this is still hitting hard.

Friend stood me up and made it pretty clear that she doesn’t really care about me.

Crush has been making my life even more miserable for the 4 1/2 years since I met him.

My professional life is doomed, I don’t see myself accomplishing big things or having big promotions. I am mediocre and that is a fact. I’ll never be outstanding and no one expects me to be.

But living in a world so competitive, seeing my brothers do all these amazing things and being in steady relationships makes me question if a gene didn’t work for me the way it did for them.

Anyway, is not that they care about me.

Maybe they’ll cry when I do it. When I kill myself.

And maybe…that’ll be my biggest accomplishment.


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OnlyLOVEheals 2/2/2019 - 8:31 pm

Dear wearehannabaker

Your writing style is anything but mediocre. You pulled me in by piquing my curiosity. What do you do for work and why are you limited in it?

wearehannahbaker 2/2/2019 - 8:37 pm

Thanks. That meant a lot. I am a psychologist (see the irony?).

Calico 2/3/2019 - 1:53 am

Psychologist and you feel unaccomplished? Hey! Psychic people can see everyone’s future but their own. If you were both happy and a psychologist you would be too perfect. I guess the question is do you want more? I could be wrong but sometimes we get carried away by what other people want and we forget our own core desires.

wearehannahbaker 2/3/2019 - 12:27 pm

Psychic and psychologist is not the same though. Mediums are a scam and don’t really exist.
I guess the answer is yes, I want so much more but it’s out of my reach and I can’t seem to find the way to get it.

Calico 2/3/2019 - 1:27 pm

Haha, I know they aren’t the same but that wasn’t the point. There is a quote that is ironic but I like “everything has a solution with the exception of death”. You have dreams and in my experience you have the hardest part down. You have a career why not enjoy the victories you have?

wearehannahbaker 2/3/2019 - 1:45 pm

I’m not sure if I have dreams honestly. And eventhough I have my carreer, it’s not gonna get me anywhere.

Calico 2/3/2019 - 2:02 pm

Were do you want to go?

wearehannahbaker 2/3/2019 - 3:06 pm

Somewhere I can share my life with and have a job that pays me enough to live a good and acceptable life.

Martin1987 2/2/2019 - 10:16 pm

Rejection has been my constant companion in the entire 31 years of my existence. Even after all these years I never fully gotten used to it.

princessmousy<:3)~ 2/2/2019 - 10:44 pm

Sorry for the very creepy message but if I lived nearby to you and wasn’t hung up on my ex I wouldn’t mind being your girlfriend.

Martin1987 2/3/2019 - 4:10 am

Your message wasn’t creepy at all. In fact it was the nicest thing anyone had said to me in a long time. Thank you for making my day a little happier.
I’ve seen your pictures here on this website and I think that you’re a good-looking girl. Too bad, I’m not so good-looking and if you see me in real life, you’ll probably dislike me.

princessmousy<:3)~ 2/3/2019 - 4:30 am

If you are open and we can talk about lots about stuff then its good.
I won’t be yet another person who says ‘looks don’t matter’. Lol i’m tired of people saying that because when it comes to their actions, they obviously do care about appearance.

You looked cute in pictures though.

I do want someone who does basic hygiene though. I’d much prefer it if someone took showers, didn’t wear the same clothes for weeks in a row without washing them… you get it.

I’m a very open mouse. And also regarding appearance, I never really know if people are truthful if they say I am attractive. I mean even in my last relationship i felt like I was being compared with other women to some degree. I sorta felt like I was being nitpicked. Not sure if it was me being paranoid or if it was true.

Oh, I’d also like someone who likes physical and wants to snuggle for a long while.

I’m glad you didn’t find my message creepy.

princessmousy<:3)~ 2/2/2019 - 10:52 pm

I’m sorry about how you feel. I think that this world is very harsh. And yeah it is very competitive, if you can’t keep up you get left behind. I’m sorry that your friend doesn’t care and I’m sorry that your crush is making you feel bad. Is he abusive? Or does he just make you miserable? I’ve been caught up with wanting my ex back for a few months and it hurts alot. Anyway. I saw one of the girls who bullied me on Facebook. She has accomplished so much more than me. She has a husband and kids and etc and they seem to look happy.

Man even bullies can have great lives with a loving guy. So unfair.

Regarding being mediocre… you most likely aren’t. That’s most likely a label society puts on you.

Also it must feel pretty bad to be the only one to not be invited to your work party. I’m sorry

wearehannahbaker 2/3/2019 - 12:32 pm

We just have this friends-but-not-only-friends kind of relationship so whenever he wants to tell me he slept with someone else he does. And it hurts. I know I’ve enabled that kind of behaviour from him but everytime I want to get away from him, he finds his way back and pulls me back to him.

Regarding the party situation…it’s not like I consider those girls nice people. They’re really not nice but still..I don’t know if I am the one wrong and just left out.

Cause of Death: Suicide 2/3/2019 - 2:18 am

Ya know I’ve never had any friendship especially the last 3 years, but I don’t have a crush or any friends or anything. All I have is a succubus, but mostly an incubus that’s been r*ping me at night since I was 20

wearehannahbaker 2/3/2019 - 12:34 pm

Have you ever had therapy?

Cause of Death: Suicide 2/3/2019 - 2:40 pm

Ya it was terrible.. just the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. it may be a reason that I have night terrirs. They were awful people. Idk though, you know?

wearehannahbaker 2/3/2019 - 3:08 pm

As a psychologist I can tell you there are really bad people in the business but you can also meet great therapists who are willing to help you.

NotAnEdgyName 2/3/2019 - 3:30 pm

sometimes its ok to be alone

vwbeatles 2/6/2019 - 11:52 pm

I know what it’s like. Even though it was years ago I still have an ongoing fear of being excluded from things because I was always the odd one out with my friends in middle school and high school. I also feel like there’s a gene in me that just radiates off “you’ll never be good enough for _____” (or whoever I’m crushing on) and it always ends up being true. You’re not alone.

wearehannahbaker 2/20/2019 - 10:13 pm

How do you cope with that? I can’t. *sigh

Pandaren 2/23/2019 - 11:05 pm

You’re a shrink? And HERE?

Well…”physician, heal thyself” certainly has a twist…

wearehannahbaker 3/10/2019 - 2:10 pm

Well, doctors get sick too..

Apollo360 2/24/2019 - 12:54 pm

It’s nice to know you’re a psychologist. I’m actually in need of one due to my MDD and GAD coming back to haunt me. I really do hope you manage to get through it. I’m actually trying to become a mental health social worker or peer support specialist. Have to be stable to get a job like that though. On top of it, I’m in school dealing with this because of a break up I went though. If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to message back. I feel that it’s good to talk to others that can relate on mental illness. Even with your rejection.

wearehannahbaker 3/10/2019 - 2:26 pm

I really hope you find a good therapist and manage to get through this horrible pain *hug

a1957 2/24/2019 - 5:23 pm

Sorry about your pain. We all have some kind of it and it sure hurts. Being a psychologist now never gave you a pass on any of the misery we humans are subject to. FWIW, I live in a comfortable home, married well, drive decent cars, and work in a very friendly atmosphere yet none of these present comforts get me a pass on the misery that came before.

wearehannahbaker 3/10/2019 - 2:12 pm

You’re right. Understanding how the human mind works doesn’t stop anyone from suffering terrible mental health conditions.

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