Sometimes I feel like life doesn’t make any sense, like some people are born rich & gorgeous and some are born poor/broke and ugly, but a everyone goes through hardships and bullshit, depression & anxiety, mental illness doesn’t care who you are. And we get it to the point where we don’t wanna exist anymore. I decided to commit suicide tonight. I don’t know and I don’t care what a none-existence state is like. I just don’t wanna live anymore, I’m sick of this disgusting reality, I’m sick of assholes controlling this planet, I’m sick of humans killing each other for stupid reasons like money & religion, I’m sick of humans slaughtering animals by the billions everyday, I’m sick of humans having like 40 billion $ in their bank account while entire countries are starving, I’m sick of my family shoveling their beliefs, culture, and lifestyle on me, I’m sick so of being in love with a girl who doesn’t give a fuck about me. I’m sick of being sick of things and people. Why is reality so fucked up? And everyone always tells me “it’s ok, you’re blessed, life is amazing, you can be great, and rich and you’ll be happy” but even if I became the richest, most famous person on this planet. What the fuck is the point? I can’t change my past with money, I can’t stop people from slaughtering animals and each other with money I can’t fix this planet with money, I can’t fix existence & reality with money.
4 comments
hi. i am one of those mentally people that you speak of, and i think that i understand where you are coming from. i too am disillusioned by what is happening to this world. my reason for living each and every day is my 23 year old son. he is a beautiful young man who has insisted that he needs me to be alive for him. i fight the suicidal thoughts for him, and perhaps one day i may even fight to stay alive for ME. i know that you said that tonight is “the night” for you. i was wondering if you have a reason to live among all the valid reasons that you have to die.
Much the same thinking here. I can’t fix this fucked up world no matter what resources I might have. The torment some people are doing to others and to animals triggers me to the point of wanting to die almost every day.
So I do want to die and would gladly do so except for I am needed by a few people. It is true our own life can be great at times, but that does not justify existence to me.
So the question I ask myself everyday is what would happen to a certain few others if I depart. It is their agony I prevent by staying. It is their neglect I prevent by staying. I also take care of cats that are not my pets.
So the pain of life is everywhere and in everyone. No one is exempt. I have been the friend of one billionaire and made acquaintance with another. They have more options that most, like which of my cars or airplanes do I want to use today? Or should I have three homes or four? Yet they suffer and they suffer deeply. One of those billionaires did all he could to further my career yet that did only bring brief respites to my mental suffering.
For years no woman I could want wanted me. I had to learn how to be attractive in my actions and thinking toward a woman I could want and accept her intelligence and power. This got done.
So the world sucks all over and deeply, so much so it is painful. But it has beauty too. The world is both ugly beyond words and beautiful beyond words. Not ugly or beautiful but beautiful and ugly. Not either/or but both/and. Makes my mind hurt. So I say, if I dare, make whole yourself, do good, avoid doing evil, and based on the concept that all do suffer, consider avoiding reproduction.
You are not blessed.. That is just a line of their books. Are you still here alive then? I’ve been trying to commit for 13 years. I think I’m about ready to wiggle my way out of this life. I have planned my suicide, I will be committing in 7-10 days. 13 years is an awfully long time to wait…. I don’t know how I feel, I guess I just feel ready. I know it’s only natural to die and all the terrible lives will go on with or without you.
You read my mind. I also hate how people say “oh you have everything you shouldn’t feel this way” or “just be happy” like those aren’t things that one can simply do when you suffer of mental illness