5 April 2019 11:23pm-12:01am
I just don’t know anymore. I’m not sure of anything in my life and I can’t trust anyone around me. I still can’t believe that you’re gone, I see you every single day and I don’t know whether that’s worse than not seeing you at all. I’m trying so damn hard to make it every day, and without you, I’m so lost all the time. It’s so awkward to hang out with our friends because they’re still friends with both of us. I know that I can’t keep lingering on this, its been 3 months, but did 2 years really mean nothing?
You knew /everything/ about me. Down to the grittiest, shittiest most awful parts and you never left, you always stayed, and I stayed for your lowest too. I can’t convince myself to believe that it didn’t mean everything to you. But believing that it meant something makes me think that I might still have a chance when I know deep down I don’t. I just want to go back to the way things were, I just want you there. I know I fucked up and I know that you fucked up too, albeit not as much. Can’t we just accept that and go back?
I’m sorry. You wanted an apology and I guess you’re finally fucking getting one, although it’s far too late now. I’m sorry I called you a whore. I thought you knew it was a joke. You started the joke for god’s sake. I didn’t know it was making you uncomfortable, if I had known I would have stopped right there and then, you should have said something. I’m sorry that you felt my life was between your fingers. I know I made it seem like that sometimes but I never meant to. I’m sorry for coming into your life and ruining everything. I’m a shit person I know. I know why you left me and honestly, good for you and I really truly hope you’re happier now.
I miss you, but I think that we’re better off without one another. I will not let your decision fuck up everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve. I hope only that you’re doing better without my burden on your shoulders.
Best Regards and Sweetest Wishes,