I have been thinking about suicide for over 10 years now. I’m only 22. I fucked up. I will be a slave for the rest of my pathetic life. Money is everything. My life has always been about money.
I was born poor. I will die poor. I will owe money until I’m dead. I doubt I’ll even have enough to get cremated the way I wanted…
My life is a series of small ups and big, spiraling downs. I see a bit of light and something kicks me down to remind me that I’m nothing but trash. I should stay down like the dog that I am.
I just keep getting used. Why do I let myself? I don’t know. It’s gotten me this far.
Why am I still here?
I just wanted a simple life.
I’m honestly just so tired.
4 comments
Heeeyyy, I became suicidal at 12 too! It’s the only thing I’ve ever envisioned for my future. I swore to myself I would kill myself when I turned 18 because then I’d be of legal age to buy a gun and shoot myself through the mouth to the brain, after waiting for 6 horrible years.. Instead I am 25 and still alive for no reason. I have been put in the mental hospital 4 times (90 days) and in jail 5 times (35 days) … that’s all my life has been. I’ve never had a day where it was better for me to stay alive over to murder myself.
I just keep thinking about it and I’ve been researching ways on how to do it. I just want something easy…I’m so tired. I never had a future and even now that I might have some hope on it, something will always come up and just remind me that I’ll always be miserable.
Ya I can’t say I’ve ever been happy or looked forward to the future. I just knew I’d be surrounded by dumb fucks, dirt poor and with no reason not to shoot myself for suicide. Honestly I’d been praying and wishing on the day for 13 years. So I’m committing soon and I have no worries. But I am still a little afraid of dying.
Here we have cremation for 695$. You can buy in advance I guess? Even if I wanted to be cremated I’d be scared to prepurchase then I’d probably just get followed and put in mental hospital. Oh darn it.