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im not feeling too good not sure if it’s even worth it to mention i wrote a suicide note about a week ago it said if i finish all of my courses i’ll go ahead and kill myself so just in case it doesn’t work i can still graduate high school it said my abusive dysfunctional horrible family makes me so depressed that i want to take my own life and have for nearly the past 5 years i don’t even care about living to my 17th birthday because i can barely handle today how can i manage making it 2 more months i feel so alone i don’t feel so good i don’t have anyone who will listen even if i try to tell god im a waste of space i can’t stop the tears i just want to hold something soft i finished my last class yesterday

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Cause of Death: Suicide 5/16/2019 - 1:46 am

My family is horrible as well. They’ve made me want to take my life since 11 years old. I knew if I couldn’t abandon, leave them completely at 18-20 I would have to take my life because then my life would be nothing and I’d never get away from them. A few years ago a member of my family raped me like 150 different occasions. I used to walk 7-10 miles a day while reading and then cook myself a healthy meal. I haven’t been able to walk, read, or cook since. I had just lost 70 pounds and was about to be at my goal weight and I was trying to be able to fit in a bikini for the first time in my life. Now all I can eat is drive thru and I’ve gained 10 pounds. Like I really can’t walk cook or read anymore all I do now is lay in bed, and go on this site

LostInside 5/16/2019 - 2:04 am

Fuck all those people who hurt you!

I know you’re in pain too cause of death: suicide and I know you don’t like men and understandably so.
I’m a man just so you know but I want to be your friend too if you ever need.

You don’t have to be in pain alone.

Bayaud on kik if you need to talk ever.

I hope one day you will find your way back to walking and reading and cooking a healthy dinner.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/18/2019 - 3:51 am

Thanks I hope I can do those things again one day too but I don’t see anything happening anytime soon…

LostInside 5/16/2019 - 1:56 am

Family can be the worst. My family makes me feel worthless as well. Strangers too. It doesn’t make it true at all though. Even when I feel worthless it doesn’t mean it’s true. They try to plant that crap in our heads and it’s up to us to resist it. A lot of the time my ex did or said things that would trigger that worthless feeling and it wasn’t ever on purpose. It’s something in my head from my childhood.

I wish I could make it better for you but I suck at this really.
I wish I was there to be a friend for you. I could maybe do that better.

You aren’t worthless at all and I hope you will find someone that will help you see that.

Bayaud on kik if you need to talk ever.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/16/2019 - 1:57 am

Please don’t tell your family or ever say anything about suicide to them whether you are killing yourself or not. (Because it is a personal choice.)

If you say something they will send you away to the mental hospital where they can keep you for up to a year where you do nothing other than eat pills and stare at the wall.

I accidentally said I was suicidal to someone when I was 17 (I am 24 now, but I was all set and ready to kill myself at 18 and that was my choice I honestly didn’t want to live to be 24, I’d much prefer having died already.)

Any way when I told them they tricked me into mental hospital where I was first raped or for the second or third time since adulthood. ( I had been molested as a child but I thought that was going to not happen again since I had a car and I could just leave if I thought they might start molesting me.).

Since then I have been in the mental hospital 90 days total, it hasn’t helped at all and the meds made me completely numb and gain 70 pounds in 5 months (at a very small dose). Even after getting off the meds you still feel like shit for into the rest of your life because they are nothing but poison.

As for my child molestation, I couldn’t even begin to start talking about that but I will say I have been raped/molested -I started counting- 164 times from Oct. 2015 – May 2019.

Now I have no future and I can’t move. There’s nothing I can do other than kill my self. But im fine with that, I just have to get around to it when I am ready. I already said goodbye when I was 18, so now whenever I am ready I can kill myself.

rocketman 5/16/2019 - 2:01 am

Look here winniethepooh if that’s your real name!
I’m proud of you! almost done with school! 🙂 If you think back there was a time it seemed like it was going to take forever! now your there! you need to finish set your next goal and do it as well, you will be happy if you do! it takes time, nobody is happy living with family you will have your own place one day and call the shots, that’s why your working so hard, keep it up and you will make it!

SkyButBlue 5/16/2019 - 10:16 am

I’m not gonna tell you ” don’t do it” or ” everything will be okay” cos if you really want to kill yourself, you would have done it in the first place but didn’t cos you’re here. I think you’re waiting for someone to notice. Someone to see you like REALLY SEE YOU. Someone to listen to you. I know what it feels to feel alone to the point where you want to kill yourself. I know. I understand that. I do too. Up until to this point. But you know what? I HEAR YOU. I SEE YOU. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN THAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH. I KNOW. TRUST ME. SO IF YOU THINK YOU’RE ALONE, GUESS WHAT, I’M HERE. THAT MAKES THE TWO OF US.

p.s. if it’s TWO then it cannot be considered alone right? 🙂 ( i hope i made you smile)

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