I took antidepressants again. Despite knowing fully well that they have increased my suicidal tendencies.
I took them regardless.
And it’s numbed me.
I well nothing now. My body is disoriented. It is as if I am watching myself from afar.
These pills. They don’t help. They aggravate what’s inside us. This sickening, debilitating disease…
I am 28 in a month. I don’t know if I will survive being thirty…..
I have so many regrets and yet so few words to write. It’s palpable, right on the edge of my tongue and yet I can’t seem to make a coherent sentence that can describe how I feel.
So in its place, I shall write about my failures:
I regret dropping out of college.
I regret that I am selfish, self-serving and weak.
I regret being so sensitive that a stern look feels like needled poking through my heart.
I regret being who I am.
I have no more to say.
2 comments
Who doesn’t have regrets if you didn’t you wouldn’t be normal, All I can say is antidepressants are helpful when your at your wits end, yes I’ve taking them myself, they did get me through a rough period however! Because of the side affects and realizing a pill can’t solve anything I worked on the root cause that was making me depressed and slowly got better at handling my depression and winged off the pills. I still have depression but learned to manage it, I take a few shots when required 🙂
The best part about your first regret is you might not be too late. Do you want the education or the experience? Education is simple, especially if you don’t care about the diploma. Can get at least 90% of any subject from just YT and eBay textbooks. Depending on the university, you might even get 190%. Experience is tougher, but break it down into parts and have fun being creative. If it truly matters when you think about it that deep anyway.
For the rest…it seems regretting those is a decent step to fixing them, no?
Took pills for years. Decades actually. Never really noticed a positive difference but thought they had to be better than nothing. As the other poster said, I finally found some other things to work on and stopped the pills. Didn´t notice any difference either (that could be attributable to them at least) but thought it had to be better than chemicals :).