I’m not okay.

I’m 12 a year old girl. Four years ago my parents split and a year later, my mom died. I was left with my father, who’s addicted to smoking and drinking and has a girlfriend who’s half his age. I get migraines and mental breakdowns a lot, and everyone thinks I’m fine at school because I get good grades and I’m pretty nice and funny. I will not tell anybody about this without being anonymous, especially a therapist, because when my parents were divorcing, the court ordered that I had to go to therapy or something. I’d been through 4 therapists before my dad decided to force me to go to group therapy, which was uncomfortable and I missed a lot of school because of it. Nobody knows about this, and my dad’s girlfriend is actually afraid to talk to me because she’s only with my dad because he spoils her (and doesn’t really give a shit about me) and she thinks I’m like him. I don’t really know but I think I might have depression and I can’t tell anyone. At this point I just want to die. Literally the only things that keep me going are my friends and (lmao) my crush…