I wrote my letters. Maybe a few more to go. Then I have to put them in a safe place. I started self harming and at this point I thought maybe thats what I needed. I felt good for a second then my pain was all still there. In that moment I let myself go. Im at peace if I decide to kill myself. Ive been holding onto this pain for too long I don’t want this life. The only thing holding me back is my promise to myself. That I wouldn’t kill myself until I tried leaving this life of mine and moving away to start over with nothing, closest thing to dying without dying for me but I don’t know If thats it anymore, if thats an option I want because im simply tired.
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I hope you haven’t done it. I hope you’re still here. I hope that you take whatever strength you have left, whatever glimmer of hope you can muster, and that you start over. You can pack up your things, get a one-way ticket to a place you’ve always wanted to see, and start there. I know things feel dark, empty, bleak… but there is nothing that says that you have to remain where you are. Maybe the answer is somewhere else. Somewhere you’ve never been. Somewhere you don’t know anyone where you can start fresh. Where life still holds promise. Take a chance… not your life.