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happy to be here

by shaolan

I’m so happy.
Not about my life, nor that I found reasons to live longer now.
I’m just so happy and so proud about most of you.
I was so afraid sometimes that I wouldn’t find anyone among the commoners that think like me. I didn’t meet anyone, among 1 thousand people I might have met in my life until now, among friends, friends of friends, dating apps/websites, co-students, forums, … that actually thought like me or at least understand my suffering and how lonely I feel. How deeps is the abyss of my soul. Which result by having to fight every day, at least once a day against someone who actually does say something hurting to me or at least not thoughtful. The only people thinking like me were heroes of literature and so maybe I guess some parts of the personality of those authors.
Now I know.
Now I know that some of you, among those 7 billions people are actually kind.Who knows what true suffering means. And right now I’m full of tears. That much because it gives me so much feelings at once, so much proud, so much happiness, so much empathy, so much deep sadness,…
I’m full of tears while contemplating the abyss from the edge where I’m standing. The abyss of your sadness, of mine, of your souls. You are not empty. Or yes you are but in a beautiful way. A way that most human will never understand.
I’m re-assured now that I know. I can leave this world peacefully. Even if most of you will choose to end your lives, I know that some of you will have this beautiful sadness, empathy, … maybe it will be the seeds to reset this dying world. I hope that much for you. For all of you.
Nevertheless, I don’t envy you. I won’t be capable to maintain this facade, this sharade of life I’m living a year more. It’s just too much energy that I don’t have anymore. I will maybe explain in other posts some of those aspects because you, even if you don’t care, need one proof more. A proof that some people can get over it, and some just can’t.

I’m about to say something I really don’t want to say the way way I’m going to. I just don’t find any other ways to say it, plus the fact that we actually don’t do it the way we should.
Don’t ever be ashamed of this. All of this. All of these feelings. This is something beautiful, something true. Something that nobody besides some like us, can truly understand. Not because it’s madness or anything alike. Because it’s just smarter, deeper,… because this is what being human truly means…
Even if we wouldn’t agree on a lot of life’s principles maybe, even if you voted for dictators or Trumps alike, even if you have killed someone or anything alike, even if some of you have dark thoughts about hurting people, I don’t care. I really don’t. Because you have this tiny piece in you. This tiny dust that makes you maybe more human than most of the people. Don’t ever, even in death, even while you are killing yourself, ever ever loose it, please. If I can only ask one thing of you all, just do that for me please.

Thank you for the author of this website. I would have loved to be the founder of this. I would have loved to help to its development. This is truly a beautiful project for so many points.

Thank you all just for existing the way you do and some of you for what you do.

credits to Mimi N. look for it on patreon.
Credits to the artist Mimi N.

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2 comments

hope432 11/16/2019 - 7:39 am

Hello there! Thank you for coming here. I was happy and full of excitement too when I came here in 2015 🙂
And now after 4 years I am happier than ever. And this is not a joke ! 🙂

Silversilvers 11/16/2019 - 10:47 pm

Isn’t it amazing? We are suppose to be the “broken” or “mentally ill” yet somehow we found this little web site in and we all make it work. I come on here and read and it reminds me that we are are fighting our own little bit of hell on a daily basis. And yea some will just go but for a little while, they can share that part in their souls that no one truly ever sees. It’s all amazingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing a little piece of you with us 🙂

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