I am sitting here wondering why I am so desperately unhappy around the holidays. Is it because both of my parents are gone? Is it because my one sibling is just a total *****? Maybe it is because my husband is in some stupid cult religion that believes that Christmas, as well as every other “personal” holiday, is wrong or some sort of pagan BS? Is it because I have no children so my work always manages to think that I can work extra over the holidays? Maybe all of the above. Or, maybe I am just a miserable person.
So here I sit without any plans for Christmas other than to try and ignore the day. My sister will not call or care about anything other than the gift I must send her every year – a gift card to Nordstroms. Yea, she is *that* kind of person that always wants and demands the best of everything and that the world kisses her butt. My husband will not do anything, and he will rant and rave about how Christmas is just a pagan holiday and how wrong it is to celebrate or do anything. If someone wishes him a Merry Christmas, he just scowls and grunts disapproval (same thing for Birthdays, Anniversaries, Valentine’s day, etc). It is oooh so convenient for him to never have to do anything for me. I really do hate him, but I married him so I am stuck with his selfish ass. Or, am I the one being selfish for expecting him to do something nice for me once in a while instead of me always doing for him?
I have no friends, no kids, nothing. Everyone at work is going on some sort of holiday trip, or to go out and have fun with family and/or spouse. Me, I get to “cover” for all of them and work my ass off this week. They will be refreshed, I will be exhausted by January 2nd. I truly do hate the holidays because it serves to remind me every freaking year about how everyone else gets to enjoy life. I really do wish I would just die and get it over with. There is NOTHING in this life for me.
2 comments
Hey O.C.
It’s something different for everyone. So many people, running around like adrenaline filled chickens with their heads cut off, all playing the game of Perfect Holiday.
I’m there with you. Alone, with two cats and a days worth of thoughts….the sooner it’s the day after christmas, the better.
I always get to work on holidays too, as my boss knows I have no family and no plans, except drinking alone until black out. But that is fucked up and unfair. Sometimes I even think about killing him. Literally stabbing him in the neck.