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i’m back and worse than before

by robin1244

Hi guys,

Its been nearly two years since my last post and I’m in the process of therapy but its not helping me out the way I expected. Until 7 months ago I was physically and mentally abused for over 11 years and it has left it’s scares. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and depression and I’ve learned to accept it. But the reason for my return is that I was about to attempt to kill myself again, but I used a technique I learned in therapy to stop my attempt. I thought of the last few attempts and I started crying, something that I never do as I’ve gotten used to pretending to look happy. I thought of this site and how people always helped me out and motivated me to stand up tall and continue with my life and today is one of those days. Consider this my cry for help.


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Deadstar7 3/26/2020 - 7:05 pm

You saved yourself by realizing that you wanted help. So be proud of your strength and your choices.

I had been abused for most of my life as well and I know how it feels. All the different types of scars just seem to remind you constantly and hold you back from any real growth away from that.
But I was told by someone once that it’s about how you view yourself too. Don’t take blame and continue to see yourself in that position of negativity and oppression.

The worst part of trying to move past abuse is feeling like it defines you, or like you’ll always be broken or not good enough. It’s just not true.

Like I said before, you are stronger than you feel and more resilient than you know. You have fought through all of it to this point. Made it through one day at a time. You got past living through it. Don’t let the abusers win by giving up when you are finally free.

You might have come here to try to find people who understand and who can relate and lift you out of your rock bottom. But really you have the strength to do that on your own. You can do it and you can keep moving forward.

So stay here while you need people to talk to, and tell us about your crappy days. And your good ones. Just keep fighting through it all with us. Sometimes all any of us need is company and to not feel alone in our despair.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/2/2020 - 7:11 pm

I avoid shuffling off this mortal coil by simply not owning a gun. Not the best coping mechanism. It has worked for 5 years now.

I’ve been on and off this site for a number of years. Been up, down. One time I had a psychotic break while here. It helps just having a place to vent. Vent the bad, the good. Tragic tidbits that only I understand.

All I can say is keep walking forward. It doesn’t get better, it just gets different. Some days it feels almost what folks state is what I can only guess as normal.

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