am i really doing the right thing here? once the month is up…..i might wait a little longer until after his bday considering i started a few days sooner then i planned but aside from that….once the month is up. im going back to drinking and smoking up all the time. it was the one time i wasnt suicidal. the one time where death wasnt on my mind. why am i even bothering if im going to go back to it like i never stopped? idk. maybe my mind will chance by then and even if it doesnt the occasional break will be good for my health.
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4 comments
5 days is already a good achievement. Congratulations and keep moving forward. Baby steps.
If after 30 days you still want to go back, and chances are you will because that’s how this shit usually works, then just try to keep it to a reasonable amount, it’s okay to drink or smoke or whatever as long as you do it in a way that it doesn’t control your life not all day everyday. Many nights I like to get lost in a drug, to let go for a few hours, to give me strength for the next long battle, but the battle will come whether you’re sober or not so you might as well be the one in control.
Yeah I mean we use whatever drug (in whatever form it may take) to mood alter and get through the pain another day or hour. When we use the drug we are barely available to any relationship. Maybe the pain could get addressed during the 30 days. Oh what pain, terrible pain, it is. You deserve to heal.
Abnormal.Thoughts and a1957. I know I’m only working on day 5 out of 30 but you 2 have been so supportive. Thank you so much. 🙂
That’s what we’re here for. We all need a support team. ?