idk. the more and more i think about it the more and more i wonder how bad drinking and smoking up really is. its better then this reality that haunts me every waking second
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For now, right now, drinking keeps life tolerable and so do smokes. Later comes the reckoning with what they have done. I mean I still suffer plenty from the past but that therapist has taken the edge off to the point that my addictions, different than yours , but addictions just the same, my addictions are in the rear view mirror.
my therapist hasnt helped me at all. she actually made things worse. and my psychiatrist basically gave up on me because all the medication affected me horribly in one way or another. plus i really miss drinking and getting high. ive actually been wondering what harm one joint would do. of course its never only one is it lol.
Finding that special therapist that you can connect with is huge. I have tried two psychiatrists and found them to be minimally helpful and potentially dangerous. While it is hard to imagine after all that schooling and all that passion they had to get what amounts to a double doctorate, I found them to be just barely helpful and had I accepted the drugs, well, dangerous is about the only way I can describe that.
Finding my useful therapist was the result of an organised approach.
well she even offered to get me another therapist but my thing is i dont want to constantly be retelling my story. that seems less then helpful.
I would imagine she would recommend a therapist she herself likes. A therapist that gives a good connection and a therapy method that is agreeable to you would be gold.
She’s recommending me for something free. idk. But I’m not exactly liking the idea. I’d rather give up. Not that it matters. I had an appointment with her a week or so ago but she closed down the offices with no way to contact her and she didn’t contact me so fuck it. It’s not like I didn’t try.
So the one she recommend was closing down, right? That’s not going help. Back in the day when I had company paid health insurance the company would only pay for ones in network. Just one unworkable therapist after another. Finally I decided it will be on my nickel and I created criteria (mostly by looking at their profiles online) to pick a therapist from. Lo and behold, she is getting it done. I wish you all the best.
I think the question is, what are addictions holding you back from changing in your life? What do you want to be different that getting high or drunk get in the way of?
thats the thing. i hate all off me. i want to change every last piece of me. from my looks to my personality. when im high/ drunk i dont care about any of it
Can relate to that.
You said in previous posts that you wanted to do this for your friend? Does the thought of having a better relationship with them seem meaningful enough to you to give you something worth holding on for?
What I explain to my loved ones is it isn’t them. They couldn’t love me anymore if they tried. It’s me and I just can’t handle my thoughts anymore. It’s like you’ll find at the end of sober day 2 I think. No amount of love and caring can change the past, can make me forget.
Maybe it’s a question of re-framing how you feel about your past? Not so much forgetting as letting go? That’s what I couldn’t figure out for myself. But your issues are very different from mine.
Letting go? How does one do that?
Perhaps it’d be something like rather than seeing the past as these unacceptable things that happened to you that you need to feel angry/anxious/whatever about, viewing it as something you learned from but no longer needs your attention? Idk – just speculating here. I’d imagine you’d need expert help to do it, and like I say, for myself it doesn’t seem possible. There do seem to be people who have got there though.