so im over my last record of a week, and every part of me is wondering why im bothering. im just gonna go back to drinking and smoking up. but its his bday, and i fucked it up big time last year. stupid mental disorders. its only a few more weeks…..however with each passing day i want it more and more. i thought things were suppose to get easier.
also (disclaimer not saying anyone should just wondering other peoples opinion on the subject) why not? i mean yolo right? and if we’re suicidal anyway why not live our life the way we please until our death. you know not make our life a complete waste. actually enjoy it for a bit instead of just worrying about memories and what not. just my thoughts on the subject.
of course theres also the argument of getting better, which im sure most (not saying the people here but depressed people in general) can get better if they actually tried instead of just sitting and sulking. but (cant speak for others) i know in my case im screwed. my brain is so messed im not even completely mentally with this world anymore, with or without drugs. so instead of sitting here remember every little detail of my life that brought me to this point, why not get drunk/stoned and just forget. every second im sober is like hell. yeah there was the frequent bad trip on weed that basically made me go insane but as long as i was drunk as well that never happened.
just saying…
any opinions? counter arguments? agreeing?
19 comments
I’ve been sitting here trying to think of something to comment without being a hypocrite. It has been a lot harder than I anticipated, but it has made me reflect on my own experiences and come to terms with why I’d change my past choices around alcohol consumption if I could. A funny thing I realized is that so many people share the opinion that cigarettes are bad and alcohol is “okay”. But what makes us come to that conclusion? The extreme negative side effects from smoking do not surface until many many years later. Alcohol however can bring an unexpected shit storm to your life so fast in ways that you can’t even possibly imagine (until it happens). For example you could get so intoxicated that you could simply fall and injure yourself and be forever changed. You could drink way too much one night and damage an organ forever. Your behaviors can have irreparable consequences within your relationships, even though you weren’t really yourself. Yet it’s cigarettes that we’re all scared of? Anyway sorry that I can’t be of much help. I myself am struggling with the exact same questions on a daily basis.
dont worry about not being helpful. just looking for opinions on the subject. i just hope someone doesnt see it as a “she’s right, f*ck it” sorta thing…..although im debating it myself. get an apartment all alone then just do whatever
The interesting thing to think about is what would you actually end up doing? “Just do whatever”… but what would it be? That insight might be the answer to your happiness, obviously your current situation isn’t. Maybe try spending a night at a hotel alone and sober and see what happens? Just a thought. I’ve went a full week completely alone and hated it to be honest. Yet even after that experience all I crave is to be left alone. Strange.
We live in an apartment but working on moving. Ive been thinking about hanging out there for a weekend
Seems like a perfect opportunity… if you decide to do it you should leave behind everything that you normally do, maybe plan ahead to ensure you try “something new,” whether that’s reading a book or trying meditation or whatever YOU want. Otherwise you’ll just end up laying on the bed scrolling through suicide project lol.
I’ll probably do that anyway. Actually I’m thinking I’m gonna buy myself some fishing stuff and go do that maybe. Although sulking around the house alone letting my thoughts figure themselves out for 48 hrs away from everyone seems nice.
48 hours? Screw that! Leave Friday night and come back Monday morning.. that gives you an extra 12 more hours and 3 nights alone haha. Might as well do it the right way if you’re gonna 🙂
I have work.
I like you more and more all the time. Fishing is one of my favorite ways to let off steam, just me, a quiet, peaceful lake, and some time to reflect. I think this is a grand idea.
I had to login to make this comment, I’m not a robot I’m drunk LOL. That recaptcha thing kills me every time.
Seriously though, you’re right. If we want to end it tomorrow there is no point in withholding anything from ourselves today. The only thing I can think of is that maybe we don’t actually want to end it so we are still trying. Or maybe we’re just trying to keep everyone else from realizing it, which I realize I do a lot of.
It’s a last line of hope, a lifeline that we are grasping for.
While I may not agree, they always say that acknowledging and accepting your past will help you grow.
wait….you commented on a post about being sober but wondering whats the point…..while drunk. LOL
No, but I felt I might as well have been seeing how I failed to login 3 times for different reasons. Hahaha.
If it helps I failed login like 5 times. Wrong password. Recaptcha wrong. I just couldn’t win lol
This post made my day. I laughed and have smiled just thinking about it. Lol.
For me, I can’t really do the constant sobriety thing. I just can’t. It’s not that I’m incapable of doing it, because I go for weeks, months sometimes. I just really dislike it. It’s boring, it’s annoying, it’s full of paperwork and tedious garbage that is impossible to even think about for more than a few minutes while sober. I just can’t do it. I’m more inclined to flip tables and act impulsive/self-destructive when I’m sober. When I’m sober at work, I’m more inclined to shirk responsibilities, try to avoid complicated problems, call off, or get written up for insulting/yelling at my boss for constantly trying to micromanage me. My nerves go splat. But give me some decent maintenance drugs and I’m the best worker on the floor (if not a little snarky sometimes), never call off work, dive right into complicated messes, etc… I will never understand how people can live in this world without being addled by some substance or another. It boggles my mind. Like, how do you file taxes sober? I’d probably wind up throwing the paperwork into the oven after pouring lighter fluid on it before getting to the second page.
I know a few things did go flying the past 9 days that didn’t go flying the entire month I was wrecked lol
Flying, yeah flying! Airliner or Cessna or? I have not been aloft in years!
I’m a raging stupid ***** with no attention span when I’m sober. It’s like some kind of weird nightmare.
Do you ever wonder if lab rats are unhappy living in their cages? Like, do they yearn to be free in a sewer somewhere? Or do they even know what their condition is? I bet they’d take drugs all day long if they had the choice.
They have no idea. It’s like how I grew up around weed and beer and my friend didnt. To me it’s the norm while my friend sees everything wrong with it.