Home Chronic Pain People always tell me that I’m privileged, spoiled, and have a good life, that I should be grateful. But what if that is still not enough? What if I want so much more in life?
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People always tell me that I’m privileged, spoiled, and have a good life, that I should be grateful. But what if that is still not enough? What if I want so much more in life?

by niki

I’m an idealist. I have big dreams, and even visions to change the world. But sadly, in reality, there are still so many factors that limit me from achieving all my dreams. Instead, here I am just being another normal, ordinary, average Joe on the street that just only do mundane, boring, & meaningless job everyday. Even worse now, this all has led me to experience an existential crisis (or existential depression), that honestly, now I don’t even have any motivation, or basically zero energy to wake up every morning, because what’s the point? What is the point of living, and what is the purpose & meaning of life, if I have to be just like everybody else with their simple mind (simpleton) with their optimistic/positive/positivity motto “Live, Laugh, Love”, but at the cost of sheer ignorance, being oblivious, & stupidity? That’s just depressing for me. Is that all there is? That’s it? I wish life could be so much more than this! I just can’t accept that this is all there is! That’s just a cold, boring, & depressing reality! I wish there are more in life than all of this stupid pointless, meaningless bullshit & nonsense everyday for the rest of my life until I die. “Life sucks and then you die”, if that’s the case, then why not just check out early? There are even many stories & cases of the so-called “privileged, spoiled, fortunate, lucky, rich, or even successful” people who died from suicide. So it’s not just “poor, unfortunate, low-class, struggling” people. It’s all random. Some people will live, while some people will die. That’s just how it is. That’s life. And that’s just the reality.


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Virus.Found 11/3/2020 - 1:01 pm

Those are some ignorant people, telling you, you should be this and that. Come on, we should all know, that happiness doesn’t come from being ‘spoiled’. Everyone can have depression, nothing’s a shield, to make you immune. I also want to change the world, I want to help this planet. I don’t want to help people though, at this point most of them are a$$holes, pardon me. That would be a great fulfilling job, giving some sense to my pathetic being. But where do we start, changing our lifes around and feel, like we’re okay again.? Haha, I’ve seen that ‘life sucks and then you die’-post on Tumblr, I have it on my phone.

niki 11/3/2020 - 8:28 pm

Thank you.

thebends 11/3/2020 - 5:49 pm

This post perfectly sums up everything I feel about life. So many people say the meaning of life is to “just be happy” and that makes me vomit. If you ask me, the only possible meaning of life is to work to make this world a better place. Only then, on your deathbed, can you say your existence was worth something. Of course when you realize this, and you realize how powerless we are to accomplish this goal, it leads to a deep depression that can’t be fixed by “just being happy”. Once you grasp the meaning of life and the nearly impossible obstacles we face to achieving this goal, you can’t just downshift into getting married, having kids and calling it a valid life. Not even money and privilege will suffice. And that’s why rich & famous celebrities kill themselves all the time. The pursuit of happiness is not the meaning of life, no matter how many syrupy stupid pop songs tell us that’s all there is to life. But this way of thinking is lost on people who are just concerned with their own happiness. In that respect I think it’s the privileged ones who are best poised to see beyond the illusion of privilege. We’ve been there. Done that. Seen that it’s just a dead end.

niki 11/3/2020 - 8:27 pm

Thank you very much. It’s good to know that at least I’m not alone.
(PS: Do you have another way that we can connect more? You can email me at nikiwonoto@gmail.com or just search for my name “Niki Wonoto” on any social-media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc)).

ShatteredStarlight45 11/29/2020 - 7:23 pm

Man, I could’ve written this. Feel like I’ve been searching for an adventure or deeper meaning my whole life that just isn’t there.

niki 11/30/2020 - 9:03 pm


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