Free speech

I have a problem, and that problem appears to be completely original. I always wanted to be completely original, probably should have been more specific. I’ve spent a decade acquiring skills and experience in my field, and now my brand new job, which I only became *qualified* for in May of this year is setting about to reteach me my entire freshman year of college, which itself was a repeat of reading I did in high school. I didn’t get into a PhD program last year and I am paying for it, man did I screw up when I didn’t polish the apple well enough to get into grad school.

I’m having nightmares at this point, nightmares about a job because it is that redundant. I had a nightmare last night that I was being forced to return to the high school that I left 15 years ago, and was being made to sit in those classes and pretend I hadn’t gotten a college degree. The breaking point was when they were yelling at me that I don’t understand the thing that I spent a year and a half as a professional researcher on. Well, it might have been after that when I was packing my bag and a teacher who didn’t know anything about me came in and said; “Ah, you must be the one who brought a gun to school, come with me.” The only familiarity I have with being treated as this dense is when a school was trying to expel me.

I’ve just wasted my life. Drink all you can, develop alcoholism and never pay attention to anything. There’s a mint to be made in being an idiot who is absolutely useful, that’s what they expect. Being good at your work? How presumptuous, getting ideas above your station that competence would EVER be rewarded, we punish people who work hard, and those who pay attention in class will be tortured.

It appears to me that this entire culture has found a purpose in being meaningless, in being mediocre. I only started taking anti depressants because I wanted to be competent. Man was I a sucker, believing that being allowed to be competent and productive was any part of adulthood.

Thanks for listening, not really sure if there is a solution. I think that when people test high on aptitude tests they should just give them the means to kill themselves immediately. Why spend the caloric energy to make people who are competent when you spend so much energy trying to make them beg for the sweet release of death?

I don’t know. That’s this year, nothing has any point, and trying is just a mistake people make sometimes.