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I love you, always did, always will.

by iamatcha

I’m depressed. He left because he’s not “strong enough to help me” …I just wanted a happy life…I love him so much. I love him so much and I can’t function, i can’t smile, i don’t want to live anymore…he came yesterday and stayed the night and this morning he hugged me …and it was so perfect…untill he said “i’m so sorry I can’t offer you what you deserve”. “Nothing  has change, i don’t want to believe in us, that things could be different and then disappoint you, i’m sorry I can’t” ..It crushed me. I’m nothing but pain. I vomited right after he left, I was feeling so sick. So sick of me. So sick of this life. I’m a fucking failure… Nothing will ever work out for me.

I bought some poisonous seeds online and i’m scared because I read that it is going to be painful and scary. But I want to end me. All the beautiful memories just turned into pain… He was the love of my life and to think that my mental state made him run away just kills me. He is right. I’m not strong enough.


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Abnormal.Thoughts 1/17/2021 - 5:07 pm

Whatever choice you make, don’t make it because of someone else. You should take some time to find what makes you who you are without him and choose your course when he is no longer part of that picture.
Sorry you are going through this pain right now.

iamatcha 1/18/2021 - 2:23 am

I’m so scared i’ll end up alone. No friends, no lovers, no family. No one to even notice I disapeared. I’m thr one “who always have something wrong”…i tried not to, but the more time passes, the more bitter i am about life, jealous about other’s happiness, which seem so easy to get for them….i feel misunderstood and misunderstanding everyone. I don’t want to complain a be a burden all the time. And it’s been like 8 months that i feel this way and that i’m toxic for the people who are close (the few i haven’t shut down…) i just want to disapear because this love story showed me that even if people love me at first, they end up running away. The worst beeing that “he’ll always be there for me” but not for a life built with me. I’m in pieces.

Abnormal.Thoughts 1/18/2021 - 8:37 am

Failed relationships are the rule, successful ones are the exception. It’s hard to go through but I believe that when it comes to the end then that relationship just wasn’t meant to be.
Now I’m not one for advice on this topic but IMO I don’t share my inner turmoil on a regular basis with my spouse: it gives them a feeling of inadequacy to make you happy and causes worry and undue strife.

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