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this is all meaningless.

by whatxamxi

cw/ graphic suicidal ideation
Nothing in the society that I live in holds real value anymore. Most careers today are tasks that help make some CEO richer. Painting and music hold no sort of sacredness under Capitalism. So many people in my country have died alone from the pandemic, and it seems as though no one cares. There’s so many expectations for me at the age that I am now. I don’t have anything figured out.
The thought of dying doesn’t scare me. I don’t say this to seem like a hardass or anything, either. I view death as the ultimate peace from this abhorrent scape of reality.
I live only to please those who I know care about me. I care about them as well, and I don’t want to traumatize them with taking my own life. But, today, I feel like just running away and going to some abandoned building near by to take a leap. Peace and relief from this hellscape feel within grasp.
I can’t talk to anyone in my life about this. I worry that if I tell my therapist, I will get 5150’d like past therapists/psychiatrists have done. If you’ve read this, thank you for hearing me.


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heartlessviking 1/21/2021 - 12:14 am

I can so relate; absolutely all keeping me alive most days are the people I care about, and the problematic thing is that I keep collecting new ones.

I really just want a rural or isolated retreat of some kind. 50 acres with running water and electricity would be PLENTY…. out of my price range, and I’d settle for a secluded acre if I knew how to get it without selling everything I own.

The thing I think you’re missing is that no one has it figured out. Everyone is faking it, the majority of humanity is massively incompetent, at least by my standards. The problem is the big lie; that human life matters more than something, or even most things. I got into an argument with the suicide lifeline gal about it today. We all pretend it is true, but it’s a convenient lie.

The thing you need to get is that we are lied to from birth. We’re told we can be anything we have the talent to do. Do you realize the arrogance in that? The economy can’t support everyone doing what they most desire, or so has been repeated to me for years. Someone has to clean the sewers. Someone has to clean up the messes, and if humanity is adept at anything it is making messes.

Sbilko 1/21/2021 - 2:17 am

Hi there, perhaps this can be useful to you and the original poster:

What you desire is indeed possible. The difficulty of achieving it depends on which country we’re talking about. Here’s a guide for Canada: myselfreliance. com/no-permit-required-where-to-build-your-tiny-home/

The man bought an unorganized township, and in this way is able to escape all nonsensical government regulations, and build himself a nice wooden cabin, which one can see here: youtube. com/channel/UCIMXKin1fXXCeq2UJePJEog

If you wish, explore the website. I once had come across another website for off-grid people who live in a cabin or wish to. They say that it doesn’t have to be put off, because 10 years become 20, and then become 30.

They also explained how they came to desire to live in an off-grid wooden cabin. I remember one who was just delivering some object, and an off-grider offered him to stay in his cabin, he loved the peace and quiet. Fast forward, now he lives in one too ^^,

The human Soul truly wasn’t made to be put in a lab-like environment, we aren’t made to live in concrete blocks, but rather in contact with Nature and animals.

niki 1/21/2021 - 7:35 am

I can deeply relate with everything you’ve said (and also the OP post above). At least I’m glad that I’m not alone in feeling & thinking like this.

niki 1/21/2021 - 7:36 am

I can deeply relate with your post. At least I’m glad that I’m not alone in feeling & thinking like this.

fxd45tsp 1/21/2021 - 3:33 pm

The way I see it, what we have right now is not Capitalism: it is cronyism (favoritism). As an example. Where I live in Canada, stores have cordoned off alleys leading to clothing. Well, it is winter right now and freak is it cold. If I need a winter jacket, where can I get it? Only amazon at this point. I am certain that Jeff Bezos needs more cash.

Governments are dictating which businesses will survive and which will not (hair salons, gyms, restaurants, etc.). And most of the shutdown businesses are owned by the middle class. So the middle class is joining the poor. Also, governments give tax breaks to big businesses, ensuring they get an advantage over medium and smaller ones. I have paid more in taxes this year than amazon which made billions of dollars. And I will not discuss the meat, sugar, tobacco, etc industries lobbying government.

The people posting on this website seems to me a lot wiser than common folks. They see things for what they truly are. Not buying the get a house, dogs, cats, wife, kids, cars, and happiness will come concept. As for you, you say you do not have anything figured out yet. You might have figured out more than you realize, more than common people.

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