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I hated my life from the jump

by BIGRICH

I’m 44 years old now and I’ve hated my life ever since I was in elementary school, I believe it was in the 2nd grade when I made this realization, I knew I was in for a rough ride, I hated my family, where I was born, who I was, everything. I’ve been in a living hell ever since

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darkwillow 2/18/2021 - 3:56 am

I imagine that maybe you had a terrible childhood. And maybe you spend a lot of time thinking about it and living in that past. If you could completely erase your memories and wake up just as you are right now, would you still be miserable?

I know you’ll probably say yes right away, but try to think only about what’s in your life right now.

I think if you could erase your memories, you’d have the motivation and desire to mold your life into a happier and worth while one.

BIGRICH 2/18/2021 - 1:19 pm

Yes you are correct and I wish I can do that but unfortunately that’s impossible, our past experiences mold us into the person we are today. All of the trauma stays with us, and messes with our everyday life

Azzam 2/23/2021 - 10:06 am

I reckon because of your age, you have experienced a lot in life. I’m just a naive, 20 years old college students. That knows nothing about life.

Would you like to share, some things about “Real Life” To me? I might need it later in life, thanks for sharing your story, i truly appreciate it

Cause of Death: Suicide 2/24/2021 - 6:52 pm

I just made a post about how I’ve wanted to run away since 2nd grade ….. and as I got older it became, ‘Nothing Matters To Me – I Will Simply Commit Suicide, Because My Life is Terrible & There is No Chance in Hell ANYTHING Will Ever Change.’ So I initially planned to commit suicide the day I turned 18 – why wait to 18? You may ask. Although I was SO miserable before 18 & wished to die so many times – well Because I was finally old enough to buy a gun…. I think gun suicides are painless and spontaneous & I felt incapable before 18 of committing without gun, no matter how fondly I desired it. To be honest, ALL I ever thought about in High School was Suicide. I am so miserable & abused my entire life. I’ve never had Anyone except Myself. Now I’m 26 and my only problem is I am SO miserable & abused that I can’t even bring myself to just do the simplest thing & Commit. When I know I probably should because In Reality – I am 100% Alone in the World, & I have Been Forever. Now I get so sick thinking I should have and could have committed suicide when I was Perfect & Healthy before the Abuse got so bad but I couldn’t bring myself to & now I’m just an empty husk of a person that is about incapable. At least I have console that I may be able to die without going through all the trouble of committing & gathering equipment because now I am so sick & that may very well kill me. I guess I hope it is not painful. Most days I wake up & wonder, is today the day? Should I not just bite the bullet & end my Life completely & Forever. And why the Hell not?

Cause of Death: Suicide 2/24/2021 - 6:54 pm

I guess the point I am trying to make is: Only You Matter – No One Else Is Real.

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