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Losing myself

by anylle

It quite funny how empty i feel for these past few years. I don’t even understand why did i feel this way. I have a nice family, a roof to stay, foods to eat, money to spend, friends to hang out. No matter what i did to distract myself, only works for few minutes. i have never tried to suicide but i have the urge to attempt. I think the only reason that make me not doing it for real is because i am a muslim. yes, that is the only reason. The endless thoughts about everything got me screaming inside my soul every single day since i don’t have anyone to tell share with. I feel like no one care. Well, understandable though. Everyone have their own problems to solve. I just found this site today after reading a few pages of this one novel. Probably gonna use it to share my thoughts 🙂 #about the nice family, i am just joking, mostly my traumas was caused by them.


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Soda 2/27/2021 - 1:00 pm

Welcome to SP, you’ll find this is a pretty good site to share your thoughts/feelings. I’ve been here for several years on and off. Most people are pretty nice here.

I found it clever how you mentioned you have a nice family but then admit at the end they’re the cause of your problems-good way to see if anyone actually read your post. 🙂

But you’re right, most problems usually are caused by family but sometimes also crappy people in general. Still life can suck even if you have everything.

For example I’m in a comfortable place today compared to how bad my life was in the past, but I’m not quite happy and have often thought about ‘exiting.’

I keep going because I’m hoping things will get better. But I don’t intend to push it beyond 5-10 years, I’m middle-aged right now. If I do achieve my goals then I’ll keep going, otherwise if I’m just coasting along then I’ll pull the plug.

If family is the problem for you then it’d be best if you could live on your own. Once I did that, I became better friends with most of my family members.

just_a_person 2/27/2021 - 1:28 pm

First off, welcome to this wonderful place of self-expression!
I’m also Muslim so I get you on that end, although it’s haram to do so (not permissible in English) , it would make everyone in my life so much easier for me to just off myself. I have tried to commit 3 times and I was seriously annoyed and mad when I woke up in the morning. I hope you’ll find this a safe place where you’re comfortable sharing your thoughts.

Mf 2/28/2021 - 12:37 am

I agree with Soda, nice proof reading check there, lol. You’ll find that plenty of people here share the “nice family” syndrome.

Soda 2/28/2021 - 12:46 am

Hehe thanks and agreed.

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