I had the life of my dreams in my dreams. I thought it was real. I felt secure in my relationship. I had an interesting reality. I never thought I’d be so bored living a life where being chased by a lynx sounded like a great way to live. I could fly with just my arms barely escaping the teeth of killer whales and sharks.
Tucked under the arm of a guy I love. A guy who cares about me enough to save me from the lynx while also killing himself to protect me. Everything was beautiful. Everything was exciting. I want life to be like that. Life is so boring. I will probably have a life somewhat suited for me one day, but I don’t think it will ever be like my dreams. The life I need is the one in my dreams.
It sounds so terrifying but yet so thrilling. I wish I could spend my whole life in my head convinced that those dreams are real. I just want a thrilling life. Life can’t be all fun and games that’s just not what life is. I want it to be.
I’m going into nursing hoping to get into an exciting speciality. If the military works out I’ll have a cool life for 4 years in the medical field. But what about life outside of work? How will life compare to the dream I loved so dear last night. Being loved that well. A beautiful world. The thrill of barely escaping danger. I guess I just don’t know.
The boredom of this life right now is suicide worthy. Yeah I know people have it worse, but I just don’t care as living for the sake of living isn’t what life should be. It should be fulfilling and thrilling. I don’t know how to live a thrilling life. I tried many times over and I just ended up crying in bed for my foolishness.
Cheap thrills aren’t where it is at either. I want to be genuinely cared about and loved while experiencing awesome thrills. Why oh why does life have to be so damn boring. My soul feels like it dying. I hate escapism. Movies and games and daydreaming and forcing stimuli sucks balls too. I need real thrills that I can be happy with.